It’s almost midnight and time to ring in a new year…a year that will be filled with new adventures for all of us. A wedding, new jobs, more kids in college and our last one will be a senior in High School. All of those things will be filled with happiness and undoubtedly new challenges. Yet all are something I’m looking forward to with excitement.
As I think of this last year, there have been a lot of highlights (especially the engagement). But nothing can compare to the range of emotions I’ve felt over this last week. The senseless tragedy on Christmas Eve morning in Webster has never been far from my mind since the moment I woke at 6am that day. There has been a lot of confusion over why something like this could ever happen, as well as a lot of tears. They have come in spurts and have been both sad and happy and proud tears. It’s unbelievable how many lives have been effected by this terrible event, yet so inspiring how people have handled it. Witnessing the amount of firefighters, police, first responders, etc that have come to our town to show respect and help us mourn, means more to our town then can be put into words. The generosity of folks from not only here, but all over the nation has been incredible. The amount of people that came to our town and are posting how our town welcomed them and took care of them makes me so proud to have lived in this community for most of my life. The Facebook page that was put up to coordinate peoples needs and opportunities to help, and also for others to share all of their stories of support and gratitude for the hospitality, was incredible. But most of all, being able to be a part of the amazing outreach for all those that keep us safe on a daily basis, has been humbling.
I didn’t attend the funerals in person as there were many more people that deserved to be sitting in those seats. However, I did watch both of them and they were heart wrenching, yet so beautiful at the same time. There are so many remarkable people in our town, our city and our nation. If there is good to come out of all of the suffering through this tragic event, it is that the outpouring of support, the generosity of strangers, and the acts of kindness can help to restore our faith in the good in our world. I hope that all the goodwill shown and acts of kindness continue. Let all the good we can do shine and maybe it can do something, in some small way, to help stamp out the bad.
To my best of friends that live this life of service every day in your families (you know who you are), know always that I’ll be there for you for anything you need. I have listened in the past to you say how hard it is when your families leave when those whistles and sirens blow. I have understood the best that I could to this point without living it myself. This week brought it all home in the worst of ways. I love you and support you and your families with all my heart. I’m sorry you went through this in the most intimate way this week… ways the rest of us can only say we understand. You are heroes to me, as much as your loved ones that leave for those calls , and I have the utmost respect for you as I do for them.
So here’s to the start of a new year… new memories… while never forgetting the events that shape us. Love to all… Happy New Year!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Reaction to a Tragedy...
I’ve kept fairly silent about the whole tragedy in Connecticut. I didn’t watch TV at all the day it occurred because I knew I couldn’t bear it, especially the way that the news media goes about their reporting. But unfortunately, it’s hard to stay out of the fray when people post the things they do on Facebook and other social media. It’s a shame that in trying to express their sadness and grieving that they don’t even realize how much hate they are spewing at the same time. I’m all for praying for the families, victims, community etc in situations like this, but people are taking it to either the farthest extremes, or simplifying it so much, that that is what’s frightening to me.
Two basic overall themes are prevailing in social media… 1. That we should ban all guns as they are the reason for it or 2. That if only people believed in God these things wouldn’t happen. Both of those sentiments are simply untrue in that simplistic form.
Guns… There are two sides to this argument. One being that it’s our 2nd amendment right to arm ourselves. While that may be the case as written, I don’t believe that either all guns are bad, or that it would be wrong to try to ban some guns. I don’t think we need assault weapons in the hands of normal every day citizens. But I do believe that if some sick person wanted to get one, they could… and they do. There is no quick and easy answer for this. Every person that owns a gun is not apt to use it to commit mass murder any more than the fact that a person who doesn’t own any guns would never commit murder. Nothing is that black and white. There needs to be more behind this then simply banning a weapon. I’m not claiming to know the answer, but I do know for certain the answer will not be that simple. We could beg congress to act and have more restrictions, but that does not mean we’ll see these things stop happening. I wish it did. I’d be the first to fight for the legislation if I thought that was all it would take. But it isn’t. There are other reasons these things happen, other factors that go into it. But to jump on bandwagons with a simple law, won’t deter someone if they really want to commit these types of crimes. Would more restrictions at least help keep weapons out of the hands of people that would commit these crimes, maybe. But we need to be open to more than just one simple law. I wish I knew the answer here, and I’m not claiming to, but knee jerk reactions won’t work. We should be having this conversation over and over again until we can come up with something that is helpful. We should have these conversations at times other than right after these tragedies, but we don’t seem to. However, arguing black and white won’t bring these victims back. I’m all for the argument, but lets do it in the best way possible not just rudeness towards others opinions on social media.
God… This one is particularly troubling for me and I’m a strong believer in God. However, when I see people saying that those that don’t have God in their lives are cold hearted killers and more apt to do these things, it maddens me to no end. Anyone that knows me knows how I detest when people lump groups together. For any person to even remotely infer that people that don’t believe in God are likely to do these things is as “unchristian” as you can get. How can they stand in that judgment and make a statement like that. I will say again, that I know a lot of folks that don’t believe in God that are far better people then a lot of the self-proclaimed Christians I know. At least they don’t claim to live one way and then get caught doing the most unchristian things (I’ve seen way too much of that). They are not hypocritical people, not judgmental people and are very very loving and supportive people, with great family values. They simply don’t believe in God. What makes you any better than them. What makes them any worse than anyone else just because they have that lack of that particular belief. NOTHING. So, for someone to sit and say that they are likely to commit a crime like this because they lack that belief is a horrible and extremely unchristian view.
The other side of the God issue that I’m pondering, is Christians thinking that if God wasn’t “removed from our schools” this wouldn’t have happened? How does that actually play out. If you’re a Christian, you should know that God is always with you, so he’s never “removed” from anything or any place. Prayer is allowed in schools, just not forced by law on schools. How can you force that Christian prayer on all students in a country that has freedom of all religions. If you do that and there are other religious kids in class, then you are also saying (by advocating for prayer of your religion in school) that then the Christian kids would also sit thru other students’ religious type of prayer as well. If that’s what the “bring religion back to school means” then I’m ok with that. I’m just not ok with ONE type of religion being there. But I digress. The real issue is that if God were “allowed” in the school this wouldn’t happen. Why is that? If everyone was brought up listening to God in schools from early on, this monster wouldn’t have then come years later and shot at everyone because he had heard how wrong it was in school? I’m pretty sure that there must be cases of monsters coming out of catholic schools where they hear about religion and right from wrong in their schools. Is just hearing about it enough to make people comfortable with the fact that no evil will occur because they have heard the word? Hearing the word and abiding by it are two different things. You can’t make people abide by what they hear. And just hearing it doesn’t put it in their hearts they way it would be if they were true believers and were trying to be Christ like. Christians who are advocating for that and also spouting how cold-hearted all non-believers are, are not acting very Christ like either. The point being, just having mandatory prayer in school would not have stopped this from occurring. That again, is too simplistic and too black and white.
Again, I’m not looking for any arguments here, just stating my feelings on what has been plastered all over social media in very basic terms. I’m not saying that IF those two things were done it wouldn’t have any effect at all. And if either of these ideas even stopped one senseless crime like what has occurred yet again, it could be worth it. I am saying that it would not stop all these crimes (unfortunately). I’m more concerned that when folks react from their gut (as we all do in these situations) that more hate towards folks that would NEVER do these things, seems to be an underlying message and that troubles me. I think we need to be careful HOW we state things. Think before speaking. Maybe even think before hating would be a better sentiment.
With all that said, I still can’t or won’t be glued to a tv to watch coverage of this. I can’t bear it at any time, but especially when it is young children involved. My heart is breaking for everyone involved and even those of us just trying to make any sense of this tragedy. There is no amount of coverage that will bring them back, and I can’t stand to see them even speak of the killer. I can’t stand to hear pundits or experts speak of mental illness like everyone that has one will commit a crime. I can’t stand to hear that anyone without God in their life is likely to do something so hideous. It makes me want to use my angry words and temper and MY God wouldn’t want me to do that, or to show hate while working my way through my emotions during this time.
May those who's lives were touched by this tragedy be able to find peace in whatever way works for them. We will all be holding them in our thoughts and extend to them our deepest sympathies.
Two basic overall themes are prevailing in social media… 1. That we should ban all guns as they are the reason for it or 2. That if only people believed in God these things wouldn’t happen. Both of those sentiments are simply untrue in that simplistic form.
Guns… There are two sides to this argument. One being that it’s our 2nd amendment right to arm ourselves. While that may be the case as written, I don’t believe that either all guns are bad, or that it would be wrong to try to ban some guns. I don’t think we need assault weapons in the hands of normal every day citizens. But I do believe that if some sick person wanted to get one, they could… and they do. There is no quick and easy answer for this. Every person that owns a gun is not apt to use it to commit mass murder any more than the fact that a person who doesn’t own any guns would never commit murder. Nothing is that black and white. There needs to be more behind this then simply banning a weapon. I’m not claiming to know the answer, but I do know for certain the answer will not be that simple. We could beg congress to act and have more restrictions, but that does not mean we’ll see these things stop happening. I wish it did. I’d be the first to fight for the legislation if I thought that was all it would take. But it isn’t. There are other reasons these things happen, other factors that go into it. But to jump on bandwagons with a simple law, won’t deter someone if they really want to commit these types of crimes. Would more restrictions at least help keep weapons out of the hands of people that would commit these crimes, maybe. But we need to be open to more than just one simple law. I wish I knew the answer here, and I’m not claiming to, but knee jerk reactions won’t work. We should be having this conversation over and over again until we can come up with something that is helpful. We should have these conversations at times other than right after these tragedies, but we don’t seem to. However, arguing black and white won’t bring these victims back. I’m all for the argument, but lets do it in the best way possible not just rudeness towards others opinions on social media.
God… This one is particularly troubling for me and I’m a strong believer in God. However, when I see people saying that those that don’t have God in their lives are cold hearted killers and more apt to do these things, it maddens me to no end. Anyone that knows me knows how I detest when people lump groups together. For any person to even remotely infer that people that don’t believe in God are likely to do these things is as “unchristian” as you can get. How can they stand in that judgment and make a statement like that. I will say again, that I know a lot of folks that don’t believe in God that are far better people then a lot of the self-proclaimed Christians I know. At least they don’t claim to live one way and then get caught doing the most unchristian things (I’ve seen way too much of that). They are not hypocritical people, not judgmental people and are very very loving and supportive people, with great family values. They simply don’t believe in God. What makes you any better than them. What makes them any worse than anyone else just because they have that lack of that particular belief. NOTHING. So, for someone to sit and say that they are likely to commit a crime like this because they lack that belief is a horrible and extremely unchristian view.
The other side of the God issue that I’m pondering, is Christians thinking that if God wasn’t “removed from our schools” this wouldn’t have happened? How does that actually play out. If you’re a Christian, you should know that God is always with you, so he’s never “removed” from anything or any place. Prayer is allowed in schools, just not forced by law on schools. How can you force that Christian prayer on all students in a country that has freedom of all religions. If you do that and there are other religious kids in class, then you are also saying (by advocating for prayer of your religion in school) that then the Christian kids would also sit thru other students’ religious type of prayer as well. If that’s what the “bring religion back to school means” then I’m ok with that. I’m just not ok with ONE type of religion being there. But I digress. The real issue is that if God were “allowed” in the school this wouldn’t happen. Why is that? If everyone was brought up listening to God in schools from early on, this monster wouldn’t have then come years later and shot at everyone because he had heard how wrong it was in school? I’m pretty sure that there must be cases of monsters coming out of catholic schools where they hear about religion and right from wrong in their schools. Is just hearing about it enough to make people comfortable with the fact that no evil will occur because they have heard the word? Hearing the word and abiding by it are two different things. You can’t make people abide by what they hear. And just hearing it doesn’t put it in their hearts they way it would be if they were true believers and were trying to be Christ like. Christians who are advocating for that and also spouting how cold-hearted all non-believers are, are not acting very Christ like either. The point being, just having mandatory prayer in school would not have stopped this from occurring. That again, is too simplistic and too black and white.
Again, I’m not looking for any arguments here, just stating my feelings on what has been plastered all over social media in very basic terms. I’m not saying that IF those two things were done it wouldn’t have any effect at all. And if either of these ideas even stopped one senseless crime like what has occurred yet again, it could be worth it. I am saying that it would not stop all these crimes (unfortunately). I’m more concerned that when folks react from their gut (as we all do in these situations) that more hate towards folks that would NEVER do these things, seems to be an underlying message and that troubles me. I think we need to be careful HOW we state things. Think before speaking. Maybe even think before hating would be a better sentiment.
With all that said, I still can’t or won’t be glued to a tv to watch coverage of this. I can’t bear it at any time, but especially when it is young children involved. My heart is breaking for everyone involved and even those of us just trying to make any sense of this tragedy. There is no amount of coverage that will bring them back, and I can’t stand to see them even speak of the killer. I can’t stand to hear pundits or experts speak of mental illness like everyone that has one will commit a crime. I can’t stand to hear that anyone without God in their life is likely to do something so hideous. It makes me want to use my angry words and temper and MY God wouldn’t want me to do that, or to show hate while working my way through my emotions during this time.
May those who's lives were touched by this tragedy be able to find peace in whatever way works for them. We will all be holding them in our thoughts and extend to them our deepest sympathies.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Raising an Independent thinker
Something historic happened last night, and no, I'm not talking about the results of the election. It does, however, have something to do with how it all played out last night for me. It was my oldest daughters first experience with voting. And from all accounts at least, it was not a horrible experience for her. For me, it was kind of fun. She is away at college so she did an absentee ballot. I was going to send it in for her so sealed it so that it was private (as it should be). She told me that if she didn't know who the people were or what they stood for, she didn't bother to fill out that part of the ballot. I respect that as I believe voters should be informed. But that was all prior to last night. Last night, I spent a fair bit of time texting with her while the election played out. I was keeping her up to date on results as she didn't always have the tv on. I answered some questions she had during the results and I congratulated her on being a part of the process, regardless of if I knew who she voted for or if her person won or lost (even though I really do know her choice). And here's why...
From the time she was very little, I took her with me to vote. I explained to her why it was so important to me and why it always would be. I had her see first hand the old fashioned booths we had and how the process worked. She's also always been very well aware of what side of the issues I stand. I clearly remember that when voting in one particular election, my ex-husband and I took both girls to vote. She went in the booth with her Dad and my youngest with me. She came out and while walking to the parking lot, she came up and whispered to me "Dad cancelled out your vote". She clearly knew he and I were on different sides. But I told her that was ok, at least we both did what we believed. It was my way of letting her know that just because I knew he would cancel out my vote, it wouldn't ever stop me from participating.
As she grew older and she still knew where I stood on issues, she asked me "what does the other side believe". That was my moment of truth. It was a clear moment for me to decide what type of girls I wanted to raise when it came to these types of things. Did I just want to trash the other side and make it sound all bad because they believe differently than I do? Or did I want to be the kind of mother that factually told the difference on the issues and have daughters that would grow to be independent, strong woman that could think for themselves and not just do as they were told. Anyone who knows me, can probably already answer that question with no trouble at all. In my opinion, I chose very wisely.
My kids hear very different things from the people in their lives on what they "should" believe on certain issues. But one thing I'm very sure of is that they make up their own mind. Sometimes they silently sit back and listen and just shake their heads at some of the things they hear. Other times they very freely speak their minds (guess that depends on how strongly they feel and how well they pick their battles). I've even fielded the questions on "how do you even know who you like when you're first starting". I told them that it could change over time as certain topics become important to them. They needed to think of the issues and which ones were most important to them and then learn where a person stands on those things. Later in life when more things become important to them, they'll continue on in that process. I'm thrilled that they both know they can ask me these things and know that I'll present information to them in such a way as to allow them to make up their own minds, not just tell them "vote this way". They are not "sound bite" people at all. Inquiring minds is a very good thing.
Having said all of this, don't get me wrong. It's not like there are lots of political talks on a regular basis. She hates "politics" (meaning the mean, nasty say what people want to hear and lie about everything else type of things). But she cares a lot about the outcome.
I'm not sure if anyone else watches a show called Last Man Standing (Tim Allen's show). It started again for the season last week (you could catch it on Hulu) and the first episode was titled "Voting". It was all about the family that was split between the two candidates and how they were trying to "get" the newest voter on each of the sides. It used real things from this election, names and everything, but the point at the end was well worth watching and brings my point into play perfectly. It would be a great tool to use for those that have new or near new voters, regardless of which side you're on. If you choose to watch, enjoy and be glad for your ability to choose in your own way to participate in the process.
From the time she was very little, I took her with me to vote. I explained to her why it was so important to me and why it always would be. I had her see first hand the old fashioned booths we had and how the process worked. She's also always been very well aware of what side of the issues I stand. I clearly remember that when voting in one particular election, my ex-husband and I took both girls to vote. She went in the booth with her Dad and my youngest with me. She came out and while walking to the parking lot, she came up and whispered to me "Dad cancelled out your vote". She clearly knew he and I were on different sides. But I told her that was ok, at least we both did what we believed. It was my way of letting her know that just because I knew he would cancel out my vote, it wouldn't ever stop me from participating.
As she grew older and she still knew where I stood on issues, she asked me "what does the other side believe". That was my moment of truth. It was a clear moment for me to decide what type of girls I wanted to raise when it came to these types of things. Did I just want to trash the other side and make it sound all bad because they believe differently than I do? Or did I want to be the kind of mother that factually told the difference on the issues and have daughters that would grow to be independent, strong woman that could think for themselves and not just do as they were told. Anyone who knows me, can probably already answer that question with no trouble at all. In my opinion, I chose very wisely.
My kids hear very different things from the people in their lives on what they "should" believe on certain issues. But one thing I'm very sure of is that they make up their own mind. Sometimes they silently sit back and listen and just shake their heads at some of the things they hear. Other times they very freely speak their minds (guess that depends on how strongly they feel and how well they pick their battles). I've even fielded the questions on "how do you even know who you like when you're first starting". I told them that it could change over time as certain topics become important to them. They needed to think of the issues and which ones were most important to them and then learn where a person stands on those things. Later in life when more things become important to them, they'll continue on in that process. I'm thrilled that they both know they can ask me these things and know that I'll present information to them in such a way as to allow them to make up their own minds, not just tell them "vote this way". They are not "sound bite" people at all. Inquiring minds is a very good thing.
Having said all of this, don't get me wrong. It's not like there are lots of political talks on a regular basis. She hates "politics" (meaning the mean, nasty say what people want to hear and lie about everything else type of things). But she cares a lot about the outcome.
I'm not sure if anyone else watches a show called Last Man Standing (Tim Allen's show). It started again for the season last week (you could catch it on Hulu) and the first episode was titled "Voting". It was all about the family that was split between the two candidates and how they were trying to "get" the newest voter on each of the sides. It used real things from this election, names and everything, but the point at the end was well worth watching and brings my point into play perfectly. It would be a great tool to use for those that have new or near new voters, regardless of which side you're on. If you choose to watch, enjoy and be glad for your ability to choose in your own way to participate in the process.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
My Election Craziness...
Everyone knows I'm a political geek of sorts... love to follow and actually do my own research vs. listening to sound bites and just hating on one person. Everyone also knows how much I hate election season and here's why?
The right loves their conspiracy theories (job rates), the left likes to say fear mongering (however, Romney actually tried to say the left was doing that this time around..haha), when we all know that everyone claims to find all of that as negative in an election. But the ones who like to say they hate negative campaigns, are some of the most negative people in the process.
So here's what I know... a lot of people are going to vote for Romney because he's not Obama, NOT because they like and/or believe him (which is understandable given he's changed his mind on most everything in the last couple weeks). But if he should win on November 6th, I wonder what will happen to his conspiracy theory about the jobs numbers? If they are still low will it suddenly be because he's great and has wonderful ideas or will he get mad if the left then says he's cooking the books like they think Obama is now? Will he really do everything he claims he'll do on day 1, or will he claim he can't get that stuff done because people won't work with him (as we all know is what is happening now, but people call an excuse)? Will he really completely get rid of Obamacare or will he get in office and already start working on the campaign 4 years from now and realize they'll be a lot of people out of healthcare if he does that? Will he really sign a bill banning all abortion as he said in the primaries, or will he not do a thing like when he was a governor? Basically, will he really show what it's like to really be in office, vs. running for office.
All I'll know for sure is that if he wins, we are lead to believe we will see many many things get done immediately, not a few years from now, because he knows how to get it done... just like McCain said repeatedly about knowing how to get BinLaden. He knew how to do it, he just didn't share. The very same people that waited for the economy to turn around immediately and complained when it didn't, will be screaming to give him time for his issues. I'm sure they'll be a lot of excuses for what can't get done, and a lot of praise for things that might get better that's already in place and starting to work (the economy is showing signs of the upswing whether people want to hear it or not). Either way, they'll take credit/blame for whatever they see fit, and find a way to spin it later. And, they'll be a lot of people that buy into it. And when the left side calls them on it, I'm sure they'll get bashed for it too. What's good for the right to go after now, will not be good for the left to go after later... that will somehow be different and off limits. That's the part that makes me laugh and scream all at the same time.
One other thing I know, is that people will be living what they asked for. For all that believe they are not living on some type of government help in their lives, you'll likely find out that you, or someone you love, is and if they are really successful in getting rid of all the programs that are so offensive, remember it's what you asked for. Remember that he'll have done what he said he'd do (although I doubt he even remembers what he's said at this point it's changed so much). Just remember, and be ready with the excuses for it. I'm sure they'll be out there. But what will be even more fun, is listening to those like Rush figure out how he'll go about bashing Romney, because you know that's coming too. He's an entertainer, not an expert by any means, which means, he needs to make his money and stay employed. Of course, it shouldn't be too hard for him to jump to that, as he bashed him good enough during the primaries. The spin and hypocrisy of people like him, and campaign people are what makes me hate election season.
Can't wait til it's over, no matter which way it turns out. At least on November 7th, I'll be having fun either way. Either happy at who won, or having fun watching the party figure out that they either got had, or the president elect getting crushed by the party, before he even takes office.
Oh, and back to the political geek part... yes, I've already taken off work for the entire election day... as always. I'm also a gluten for punishment :)
Peace :)
The right loves their conspiracy theories (job rates), the left likes to say fear mongering (however, Romney actually tried to say the left was doing that this time around..haha), when we all know that everyone claims to find all of that as negative in an election. But the ones who like to say they hate negative campaigns, are some of the most negative people in the process.
So here's what I know... a lot of people are going to vote for Romney because he's not Obama, NOT because they like and/or believe him (which is understandable given he's changed his mind on most everything in the last couple weeks). But if he should win on November 6th, I wonder what will happen to his conspiracy theory about the jobs numbers? If they are still low will it suddenly be because he's great and has wonderful ideas or will he get mad if the left then says he's cooking the books like they think Obama is now? Will he really do everything he claims he'll do on day 1, or will he claim he can't get that stuff done because people won't work with him (as we all know is what is happening now, but people call an excuse)? Will he really completely get rid of Obamacare or will he get in office and already start working on the campaign 4 years from now and realize they'll be a lot of people out of healthcare if he does that? Will he really sign a bill banning all abortion as he said in the primaries, or will he not do a thing like when he was a governor? Basically, will he really show what it's like to really be in office, vs. running for office.
All I'll know for sure is that if he wins, we are lead to believe we will see many many things get done immediately, not a few years from now, because he knows how to get it done... just like McCain said repeatedly about knowing how to get BinLaden. He knew how to do it, he just didn't share. The very same people that waited for the economy to turn around immediately and complained when it didn't, will be screaming to give him time for his issues. I'm sure they'll be a lot of excuses for what can't get done, and a lot of praise for things that might get better that's already in place and starting to work (the economy is showing signs of the upswing whether people want to hear it or not). Either way, they'll take credit/blame for whatever they see fit, and find a way to spin it later. And, they'll be a lot of people that buy into it. And when the left side calls them on it, I'm sure they'll get bashed for it too. What's good for the right to go after now, will not be good for the left to go after later... that will somehow be different and off limits. That's the part that makes me laugh and scream all at the same time.
One other thing I know, is that people will be living what they asked for. For all that believe they are not living on some type of government help in their lives, you'll likely find out that you, or someone you love, is and if they are really successful in getting rid of all the programs that are so offensive, remember it's what you asked for. Remember that he'll have done what he said he'd do (although I doubt he even remembers what he's said at this point it's changed so much). Just remember, and be ready with the excuses for it. I'm sure they'll be out there. But what will be even more fun, is listening to those like Rush figure out how he'll go about bashing Romney, because you know that's coming too. He's an entertainer, not an expert by any means, which means, he needs to make his money and stay employed. Of course, it shouldn't be too hard for him to jump to that, as he bashed him good enough during the primaries. The spin and hypocrisy of people like him, and campaign people are what makes me hate election season.
Can't wait til it's over, no matter which way it turns out. At least on November 7th, I'll be having fun either way. Either happy at who won, or having fun watching the party figure out that they either got had, or the president elect getting crushed by the party, before he even takes office.
Oh, and back to the political geek part... yes, I've already taken off work for the entire election day... as always. I'm also a gluten for punishment :)
Peace :)
Friday, August 26, 2011
A parents advice… for good or bad…
Over the years of raising children and watching them grow, we as parents give a lot of advice. Some they take, some not so much. But always I wonder if the advice I’m giving as a parent is helpful or harmful in this day and age. As I’ve spent months debating this in my head, I believe that I’ve come to a couple conclusions. First, that of course, not everything works the same for every person or situation. And second, having been through many of the same situations I find my girls in at their current ages, and having lived a more varied life than they have yet to live, I still think some of these nuggets are sound for the younger crowd.
For anyone that has paid any attention to my blog or FB page, they’ve seen over and over a theme of respectful behavior. It’s something pretty important to me. I hate it when people that hold public office are not treated with respect, even if you don’t respect the person personally. I hate that people so easily lump people into categories based on what a few do that they don’t like. I hate that people call each other names, etc. All of that bothers me. And the strangest part about that is that I myself am not the kind of person that blanketly believes everyone deserves to be “respected”. I do, however, believe that you should treat all people with respect. I believe there is a difference in those two things, and I believe respect is earned, not guaranteed.
I remember being told at work early on in my career that I should respect the levels of management more . This happened because I didn’t stop an entire presentation in it’s logical order to answer a question that would have been answered more towards the end of my speech. A high level manager asked the question and apparently I should have just stopped where I was and answered it regardless of how far off track it took us. What I did was politely tell him that his question would be answered towards the end and would probably make more sense if we left it for later in the presentation. I guess that was the wrong approach, but the one that seemed the most logical to me based on the situation. Later when I was contemplating my way of handling it, I realized it was probably because of how I remember hearing from my dad “he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like you do” whenever topics like this came up when I was younger. To me that meant we were all the same. As long as you handled it respectfully, they weren’t any better than me just because they held a higher position.
So, if I took my queues from my father, does that mean my girls take them from me? Maybe. And if so, is it always appropriate. Here’s a couple things I’ve tried to instill in them.
I believe there is a line that should be drawn between them and people such as teachers, coaches, bosses, etc. I believe they should “be friendly” but not “friends” with those positional people. I believe there should be that boundry so that there is also a respectful relationship. If you’re ‘friends” that line can get blurred. If I look at the situation at their current ages, does that advice help or hurt them. Probably a little of both depending on the situation. However, if I project that advice out into their futures, I think I’m doing them a great service to spell it out for them now. When my little one started cheering at 7 years old, she was on a team where everyone else had cheered for a year before she got there. There were very clearly favorites among the teenage coaches and little girls. The parents could watch some girls being carried around by the coaches, always getting to hang out with them, etc. You could also watch other girls sitting in another group and the coaches not caring if they were there or not. Luckily, my girl was somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. However, she still cheers and would love to coach little ones. So for her future plans, and having seen those two extremes in her own young cheer career, my advice to her on the topic of drawing that line may help her NOT make any other little child feel bad, and I think that’s a good thing. On the flip of that, I’ve also witnessed her not talking to her own coaches enough to even let them know that she’s injured. She’d more likely just do what’s expected of her because the coach said so and not speak up. I’m sure there is a LOT of middle ground to be realized there . I continue to work on that but, hopefully, she’ll find that sweet spot on her own.
There’s also the advice of not caring what others think about you as long as you’re happy with yourself. I’ve never been the type to care about that at all. I think I did push that off on my kids for sure. I’ve explained to them that even if they are confident in themselves, as long as they don’t go around saying it, they’ll be ok. There is unfortunately, a fine line between not caring what others think of you, and seeming conceited. As long as they keep their comments to themselves, they should be ok for the most part. That doesn’t mean they think they’re great or anything… but it does mean that they are happy enough with themselves that what others think doesn’t matter so much to them. Having said that, it also doesn’t mean they can’t get their feelings hurt by people. But it does mean that they tend to let a lot roll off. It’s been a struggle sometimes I’m sure, but for their future happiness, I think this is a very good trait. Much better than always having to worry about what others think so much that you conform to things you normally wouldn’t, or end up just being a follower. I’m actually quite proud of my girls for this trait. It’s a hard one to pull off sometimes. And it’s also hard to correlate that with the criticism that can come from others. However, not caring what people think does not mean ignoring what is said. People should never ignore criticism, but should find out what’s behind it. Ask for help with whatever you’re being criticized about. If the person doing it is truly trying to give “constructive criticism” they’ll be willing to take the time to help you. If they aren’t willing to help you, it’s likely they aren’t trying to be constructive at all, but that there is something more at play. Either way, you’ll learn something out of the exchange that can come in handy for the future.
And finally, how about this good nugget… There will always be someone better at something than you are, and you’ll always be better at something than someone else. That doesn’t mean you don’t try harder at something, but does mean you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. (I know, easier said than done sometimes). Remember that others are comparing themselves to someone too. Maybe you. The point is to just strive to be YOUR best, not THE best and you’ll end up being happy with yourself for trying and for recognizing your own personal growth.
While pondering these thoughts these last couple months, I realized that they were probably coming from a place of uncertainty about all our upcoming changes. One of my girls goes to College for the first time. They’ll be new professors, friends, coaches, directors, etc. The advice holds with all these changes… Treat others with respect, everyone deserves that even if you don’t personally respect the person or position they hold. Be friendly to everyone, not just who you are friends with. And strive to achieve your own personal best at whatever you do without letting others tear you down. If you can successfully follow those rules, you’ll be happier with yourself overall and that’s when your true light will shine through. You’ll be the better person you want to be.
So to both my girls I say, go forth and concur whatever new changes and challenges lie ahead for you. And if this and other advice I’ve given you over these wonderful years of parenting you has been harmful, I’m sorry for that. But never sorry for sharing experiences that will help you in the long run even if they seem odd now. I realize not all of it will work for each of you and you’ll find your own way in life ultimately. But always remember that no matter what, you can ALWAYS count on me to be here for you in a way that you don’t even comprehend at the moment. As the song said when you were younger “…and when the day is done my mama’s still my biggest fan” will always hold true.
One last thing to remember, there will always be a lot of people willing to judge you, but in the end, two things are for certain. What you think about yourself matters most now, and secondly, that there is only one “person” who’s judgement will ultimately matter. One “person” that knows how everyone is treating others. Only you can determine who’s judgement matters most to you? Theirs or HIS?
For anyone that has paid any attention to my blog or FB page, they’ve seen over and over a theme of respectful behavior. It’s something pretty important to me. I hate it when people that hold public office are not treated with respect, even if you don’t respect the person personally. I hate that people so easily lump people into categories based on what a few do that they don’t like. I hate that people call each other names, etc. All of that bothers me. And the strangest part about that is that I myself am not the kind of person that blanketly believes everyone deserves to be “respected”. I do, however, believe that you should treat all people with respect. I believe there is a difference in those two things, and I believe respect is earned, not guaranteed.
I remember being told at work early on in my career that I should respect the levels of management more . This happened because I didn’t stop an entire presentation in it’s logical order to answer a question that would have been answered more towards the end of my speech. A high level manager asked the question and apparently I should have just stopped where I was and answered it regardless of how far off track it took us. What I did was politely tell him that his question would be answered towards the end and would probably make more sense if we left it for later in the presentation. I guess that was the wrong approach, but the one that seemed the most logical to me based on the situation. Later when I was contemplating my way of handling it, I realized it was probably because of how I remember hearing from my dad “he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like you do” whenever topics like this came up when I was younger. To me that meant we were all the same. As long as you handled it respectfully, they weren’t any better than me just because they held a higher position.
So, if I took my queues from my father, does that mean my girls take them from me? Maybe. And if so, is it always appropriate. Here’s a couple things I’ve tried to instill in them.
I believe there is a line that should be drawn between them and people such as teachers, coaches, bosses, etc. I believe they should “be friendly” but not “friends” with those positional people. I believe there should be that boundry so that there is also a respectful relationship. If you’re ‘friends” that line can get blurred. If I look at the situation at their current ages, does that advice help or hurt them. Probably a little of both depending on the situation. However, if I project that advice out into their futures, I think I’m doing them a great service to spell it out for them now. When my little one started cheering at 7 years old, she was on a team where everyone else had cheered for a year before she got there. There were very clearly favorites among the teenage coaches and little girls. The parents could watch some girls being carried around by the coaches, always getting to hang out with them, etc. You could also watch other girls sitting in another group and the coaches not caring if they were there or not. Luckily, my girl was somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. However, she still cheers and would love to coach little ones. So for her future plans, and having seen those two extremes in her own young cheer career, my advice to her on the topic of drawing that line may help her NOT make any other little child feel bad, and I think that’s a good thing. On the flip of that, I’ve also witnessed her not talking to her own coaches enough to even let them know that she’s injured. She’d more likely just do what’s expected of her because the coach said so and not speak up. I’m sure there is a LOT of middle ground to be realized there . I continue to work on that but, hopefully, she’ll find that sweet spot on her own.
There’s also the advice of not caring what others think about you as long as you’re happy with yourself. I’ve never been the type to care about that at all. I think I did push that off on my kids for sure. I’ve explained to them that even if they are confident in themselves, as long as they don’t go around saying it, they’ll be ok. There is unfortunately, a fine line between not caring what others think of you, and seeming conceited. As long as they keep their comments to themselves, they should be ok for the most part. That doesn’t mean they think they’re great or anything… but it does mean that they are happy enough with themselves that what others think doesn’t matter so much to them. Having said that, it also doesn’t mean they can’t get their feelings hurt by people. But it does mean that they tend to let a lot roll off. It’s been a struggle sometimes I’m sure, but for their future happiness, I think this is a very good trait. Much better than always having to worry about what others think so much that you conform to things you normally wouldn’t, or end up just being a follower. I’m actually quite proud of my girls for this trait. It’s a hard one to pull off sometimes. And it’s also hard to correlate that with the criticism that can come from others. However, not caring what people think does not mean ignoring what is said. People should never ignore criticism, but should find out what’s behind it. Ask for help with whatever you’re being criticized about. If the person doing it is truly trying to give “constructive criticism” they’ll be willing to take the time to help you. If they aren’t willing to help you, it’s likely they aren’t trying to be constructive at all, but that there is something more at play. Either way, you’ll learn something out of the exchange that can come in handy for the future.
And finally, how about this good nugget… There will always be someone better at something than you are, and you’ll always be better at something than someone else. That doesn’t mean you don’t try harder at something, but does mean you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. (I know, easier said than done sometimes). Remember that others are comparing themselves to someone too. Maybe you. The point is to just strive to be YOUR best, not THE best and you’ll end up being happy with yourself for trying and for recognizing your own personal growth.
While pondering these thoughts these last couple months, I realized that they were probably coming from a place of uncertainty about all our upcoming changes. One of my girls goes to College for the first time. They’ll be new professors, friends, coaches, directors, etc. The advice holds with all these changes… Treat others with respect, everyone deserves that even if you don’t personally respect the person or position they hold. Be friendly to everyone, not just who you are friends with. And strive to achieve your own personal best at whatever you do without letting others tear you down. If you can successfully follow those rules, you’ll be happier with yourself overall and that’s when your true light will shine through. You’ll be the better person you want to be.
So to both my girls I say, go forth and concur whatever new changes and challenges lie ahead for you. And if this and other advice I’ve given you over these wonderful years of parenting you has been harmful, I’m sorry for that. But never sorry for sharing experiences that will help you in the long run even if they seem odd now. I realize not all of it will work for each of you and you’ll find your own way in life ultimately. But always remember that no matter what, you can ALWAYS count on me to be here for you in a way that you don’t even comprehend at the moment. As the song said when you were younger “…and when the day is done my mama’s still my biggest fan” will always hold true.
One last thing to remember, there will always be a lot of people willing to judge you, but in the end, two things are for certain. What you think about yourself matters most now, and secondly, that there is only one “person” who’s judgement will ultimately matter. One “person” that knows how everyone is treating others. Only you can determine who’s judgement matters most to you? Theirs or HIS?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Why does everything have to be a controversy...
I was watching the news this morning and the big story was how so many people are up in arms about NBCs opening of the golf tournament yesterday. They are talking about boycotting NBC, NBC apologizing, etc. All because they took the words "under God" out of the opening where a part of it was kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance. My first thought was, "ok if that's what they did, and it was on purpose, some people have the right to be upset about it if they want to".
However, they then played what really happened. It wasn't that just the words "under God" were removed as they are making it seem. Yes, they were the only ones omitted in the first part, in the 2nd part "one nation, under god" was omitted. Are people upset that "One Nation" was omitted... not so much. I don't think it was a slam to God at all. I think they were trying a montage of things, the pledge being one of them and started with a few lines, ended with the last, and the middle was gone. It happens it was the same timing, but not only the "under God". Not just two words.
Why do we always dissect everything to death to the point of calling for apologies or boycotts over everything. Maybe they actually were trying to make a statement. But maybe that statement was that not everyone believes in one God or the same God and they were trying to not offend just one particular group. It is the biggest group, but it isn't the only group. Maybe they were making a statement about our countries supposed religious tolerance. After all, if you go back pre-1954, "under God" wasn't a part of the Pledge. I'm happy to say it when I saw the pledge, but not everyone does. That doesn't make them wrong any more than it makes me right.
Or maybe they weren't trying to do anything at all and it was poor editing. Maybe (as Tim would say), sometimes a smoke is just a smoke.
However, they then played what really happened. It wasn't that just the words "under God" were removed as they are making it seem. Yes, they were the only ones omitted in the first part, in the 2nd part "one nation, under god" was omitted. Are people upset that "One Nation" was omitted... not so much. I don't think it was a slam to God at all. I think they were trying a montage of things, the pledge being one of them and started with a few lines, ended with the last, and the middle was gone. It happens it was the same timing, but not only the "under God". Not just two words.
Why do we always dissect everything to death to the point of calling for apologies or boycotts over everything. Maybe they actually were trying to make a statement. But maybe that statement was that not everyone believes in one God or the same God and they were trying to not offend just one particular group. It is the biggest group, but it isn't the only group. Maybe they were making a statement about our countries supposed religious tolerance. After all, if you go back pre-1954, "under God" wasn't a part of the Pledge. I'm happy to say it when I saw the pledge, but not everyone does. That doesn't make them wrong any more than it makes me right.
Or maybe they weren't trying to do anything at all and it was poor editing. Maybe (as Tim would say), sometimes a smoke is just a smoke.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The lessons of disappointment
A few years back, I wrote on how schools in our county were thinking of doing away with Valedictorian and Salutatorian awards in our schools. I was crazy about it because the big reasoning seemed to be based on the fact that other students not up for the honor, somehow felt bad for not getting it. That seemed a very crazy reason for the change to me.
So today, my own school district announced it had approved a plan to do away with the distinction. Not surprisingly, they site reasons such as moving to new standards with tiered approach for honors of Summa cum laude, magna cum laude and cum laude so that MORE kids can achieve the honor. However, the underlying theme is, again, "often pits students against each other" while trying to attain the top 2 spots. I say that's a trumped up reason and has been for years. And here's why...
I don't mind them changing the criteria for the top rankings (AP classes should be considered higher than non-AP classes. This would stop the folks that only want to be in the top spots so they take easier classes that they know they can ace. There should be a better weighted ranking then there was in our school district. I'm all for changing those. What I'm not for is even after those changes, they should NOT take away the honor of those that hit those top two spots.
If the real reasoning is so the kids that don't make the honor don't feel bad, then maybe we should spend more time on managing expectations. I have a very clear example of that I can share.
I have a daughter that has been working for years towards and end goal with very specific timing in mind. Her timing was this year. I have done my very best to support her in her goal and even push her to do everything she can to try to achieve it. However, while supporting, I have also counseled that she may not make it. There are rules, there are very specific things that need to be done. And sometimes those things can change along the way. You just never know. If she makes this goal, I will be very proud of her as I know her dedication and hard work that has gone into it. If she doesn't make her goal, will she be disappointed? absolutely. But the true lesson in it will be how she handles that disappointment. And frankly, even if she makes her goal, how she handles that too will be of importance to me. Both of those things show character and her ability to march on.
I believe in setting goals for oneself. But in doing so, you need to also know that there could be disappointment. It comes with the territory. I'd be more concerned if someone didn't have goals just because of the disappointment they'd feel if they didn't achieve them. I have faith in my daughter that she'll be able to do what's required of her. But if she can't for some reason, she can't. And sometimes, even if you can do what's required, that doesn't automatically guarantee success either.
Take the working world for instance. How many times have you seen people apply for jobs that were already pre-determined? They need to post jobs to everyone even if they already know the outcome and know who they want for the job. I've been on both sides of that situation. I've interviewed for jobs I knew I wouldn't get because they had someone in mind for it already. I hated that. Unfortunately, I've been on the other side as well, interviewing for a job that I basically knew would already be mine if I wanted it. Which interview do you think I prepared more for? Competition is good for people. It shows strength, determination, perseverance,etc. However, how people handle disappointment shows important qualities as well.
Everyone can't always win, but everyone will lose at some point in their lives. Teaching kids that they can always be the best is dangerous. We must always support them and their goals, but there comes a time when they should be realistic as well. It's that whole American Idol syndrome we all have to suffer thru each season where the contestant says their family has always told them they were the best. Unfortunately, we get to hear the truth. I'm beginning to wonder if the bigger problem isn't that at a very young age most parents tell their kids "if you try hard you can do anything". Well, that's really not true at all. What we should (and I've always tried to do) is tell them "Do the best that you can do for yourself, don't compete against others, compete against you". And maybe even a little bit more of "not everyone will win, it's how you lose that's important".
So, I'm very disappointed in the decision in Webster today. I believe those top 2 should still get their recognition. I believe that others should learn to be happy for the winners, even if it means you aren't one of them.
So today, my own school district announced it had approved a plan to do away with the distinction. Not surprisingly, they site reasons such as moving to new standards with tiered approach for honors of Summa cum laude, magna cum laude and cum laude so that MORE kids can achieve the honor. However, the underlying theme is, again, "often pits students against each other" while trying to attain the top 2 spots. I say that's a trumped up reason and has been for years. And here's why...
I don't mind them changing the criteria for the top rankings (AP classes should be considered higher than non-AP classes. This would stop the folks that only want to be in the top spots so they take easier classes that they know they can ace. There should be a better weighted ranking then there was in our school district. I'm all for changing those. What I'm not for is even after those changes, they should NOT take away the honor of those that hit those top two spots.
If the real reasoning is so the kids that don't make the honor don't feel bad, then maybe we should spend more time on managing expectations. I have a very clear example of that I can share.
I have a daughter that has been working for years towards and end goal with very specific timing in mind. Her timing was this year. I have done my very best to support her in her goal and even push her to do everything she can to try to achieve it. However, while supporting, I have also counseled that she may not make it. There are rules, there are very specific things that need to be done. And sometimes those things can change along the way. You just never know. If she makes this goal, I will be very proud of her as I know her dedication and hard work that has gone into it. If she doesn't make her goal, will she be disappointed? absolutely. But the true lesson in it will be how she handles that disappointment. And frankly, even if she makes her goal, how she handles that too will be of importance to me. Both of those things show character and her ability to march on.
I believe in setting goals for oneself. But in doing so, you need to also know that there could be disappointment. It comes with the territory. I'd be more concerned if someone didn't have goals just because of the disappointment they'd feel if they didn't achieve them. I have faith in my daughter that she'll be able to do what's required of her. But if she can't for some reason, she can't. And sometimes, even if you can do what's required, that doesn't automatically guarantee success either.
Take the working world for instance. How many times have you seen people apply for jobs that were already pre-determined? They need to post jobs to everyone even if they already know the outcome and know who they want for the job. I've been on both sides of that situation. I've interviewed for jobs I knew I wouldn't get because they had someone in mind for it already. I hated that. Unfortunately, I've been on the other side as well, interviewing for a job that I basically knew would already be mine if I wanted it. Which interview do you think I prepared more for? Competition is good for people. It shows strength, determination, perseverance,etc. However, how people handle disappointment shows important qualities as well.
Everyone can't always win, but everyone will lose at some point in their lives. Teaching kids that they can always be the best is dangerous. We must always support them and their goals, but there comes a time when they should be realistic as well. It's that whole American Idol syndrome we all have to suffer thru each season where the contestant says their family has always told them they were the best. Unfortunately, we get to hear the truth. I'm beginning to wonder if the bigger problem isn't that at a very young age most parents tell their kids "if you try hard you can do anything". Well, that's really not true at all. What we should (and I've always tried to do) is tell them "Do the best that you can do for yourself, don't compete against others, compete against you". And maybe even a little bit more of "not everyone will win, it's how you lose that's important".
So, I'm very disappointed in the decision in Webster today. I believe those top 2 should still get their recognition. I believe that others should learn to be happy for the winners, even if it means you aren't one of them.
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