Happy Fathers Day Dad

I almost made it through my first Fathers Day in 9 years without tears. But then Tim mentioned my Dad to me, and well, so much for that. Now don't get me wrong, no tears certainly didn't mean he wasn't thought of. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of him in one context or another. I said my Happy Father's Day to him last night when I got in bed, and again first thing this morning. But this year, I did that small task without the tears. Maybe that's a good sign, or maybe the every day thoughts have started removing just a small piece of sadness.

You see, the every day thoughts are no longer about the same types of things. They aren't always consumed with thoughts of wishing he were here to see the girls do this or that, or knowing how proud he'd be of them for everything they do, or worrying that my girls didn't get enough time with him so that they'd remember him the way I do, or wondering how he thought I was doing as a mother. They also aren't around worrying about his illness. I no longer linger on those things quite as much as I used to. I believe that he knows how well they've turned out and yes, how proud he'd be. That is never a question in my mind any more. I'm relieved that he no longer has pain in his life every day. So for those things, maybe I have been able to move on. It's not that I never think those thoughts at all, but I don't think of them as often as I used to.

Now, I think of Dad in the every day things like what's happening in the news and what he'd say about situations when we'd watch together. I think about him and reminisce every time I watched a Celtics game this year (although they could have used his help a bit more during the playoffs). Maybe he was too busy in heaven arguing with Aunt Betty and Uncle Bud about the Eagles vs. the Bills to remember it was Basketball season. I think of him when my kids tell stories because they tell them just like he did... with excruciating detail that we really didn't need to know (:-) But, when I think of those kinds of things now, it's with smiles and not tears. The memories of happy times vs. sad times have started to play out more. Maybe I'm slow, but nine years later, it's comforting to know that when he enters my thoughts, the tears are more happy than sad. He was the greatest... so once again Happy Fathers Day to the BEST DAD EVER!!!!!