Take these things when you can get them

It started out as what would be deemed a typical Tuesday night in my household. I get home from work, think about dinner, and oops... Lauren's practice is canceled and Jennifer has to be run to the store to get last minute additions to her costume for school on Friday. Ok, still it was something different than running all night for drop off/pick up of practices. So the girls start with homework, I cook, we eat, we go to the store, we come home. Typical so far.

What made this night different is that Lauren asked me to practice her band songs with her as there were parts she didn't quite get the rhythm and wanted my help. For those that don't know, she is a flute player as I was, and it's been a VERY long time since she's asked me to help her. In fact, it's been a very long time since I've heard her practice at home with all the playing they get at school. So I head to her room, my flute in tow. She gets out her music and tells me that she just wants me to play it so she can hear how it's supposed to go. So I play the parts she was having trouble with and when I finish she looks at me and says (drumroll please)... "why do you have to be so good?"

For anyone with normal teenage kids, this is something as parents that we rarely get to hear, so we cherish it. It's more typical that parents get looks that ask the questions like "what are you doing, why are you doing it, and please don't ever do that again". So when we get this kind of unexpected praise, even though they probably don't even know they just gave it, we do silly things with it. We blog about it so that we can remember it ever happened in the first place.

I share this not as a statement about kids not giving praise because after all, they are kids. It's a statement about not making a big deal about it to them, but sharing with other parents so that we are all aware these things CAN happen every now and then. So be ready, maybe you're the next one we can hear from about your own "praise" story.

I finished with her and actually got in a good run (and it was mostly running which I really hate). It was a good night.

Cool technology? apparently it depends on your thinking...

Maybe I'm one of the last ones to see this come through, but as a person that works with technology, I think this is VERY cool. I was so disappointed to read the comments from people about it though. I find it hard to believe that just because... someone CAN interact with a "person" like this, that people automatically go to how bad it will be for people's social lives, and in the extreme, that they'll never need real friends if this becomes popular. Really? Especially for kids given the amount of time they spend in school and doing homework, can't it be looked at as a nice break and something fun. Why do we now always take things to the farthest extreme. Guess these folks haven't heard of Second Life, etc. I enjoy that on occasion, but it certainly hasn't stopped me from interacting with real people at all. So if we take the opposite approach, what if this is actually good for kids that are being bullied and don't really have any friends. Isn't one like this, better than none?

But I realize, I do think differently than a lot of people I know. Oh well... to me... this is still very cool technology.

Keeping up with my kids

School officially started about a month ago. I can tell because I'm a little more harried, have a lot less money, and am very tired all the time. I thought maybe it was because they were back with all those other germy kids and bringing it home to me. But of late, I'm wondering if it isn't that I'm just tired of running around to "stuff" all the time.

I should have a lot more down time now that school has started. They have enough homework to keep them going at night that I should be able to just rest while they do it all. However, between running to/from cheer practices, games, meetings for all sorts of things school related or college search related, keeping up with the mounds of laundry all week (winter's big clothes vs. summer little clothes isn't helping how many loads I do), lunches, store runs for what is forgotten about until the last minute, etc., I'm really not resting much at all. On top of it, the schools don't seem to care that they've scheduled multiple things on the same night that require me to be in not only 2, but 3 different places in one evening (you'd think being divorced would help with that as you could split up, but not so much sometimes). Last week it was trying to figure out how to be at open house for one of my girls, while getting my other one back home from practice so she could start her homework. Car pooling would have been a really great idea except that all the other moms I knew were at the open house as well. The danger of kids being 3 years apart and in different schools.

However, in 2 weeks, I have the dilemma of 3 events in one night. A "mandatory" parent/student meeting for the upcoming Washington trip that my youngest will be taking. She and I will miss that completely because she also has a Cheer Competition that same night/same time, as well as my oldest being in a concert at her school. Hmmm... which parent goes to which activity? It's always the question, but as my normal readers know... I hate to miss anything my kids do. It's rare that I have to, but there have been occasions where I miss based on logistics and I need to make choices. When making the choice of what to attend, it's really hard because you don't want one child to feel you are favoring the other or the others activities. It would be so nice if sports teams and schools got together with the calendars so the parents didn't have miss anything. I know that's not realistic though as I only have two kids. What about the parents with larger families.

I guess the good news for my kids is that I do suffer over these choices. I know parents that are so engrossed with their own activities for themselves, that the kids activities aren't even a part of their choice... it's just "oh well, I have this other thing to go to so I'll miss it". I recognize that some things are not preventable, but I really don't get that as regular occurence. The moment I had my first child, my life became all about their activities. What I might want to do on a regular/routine basis was completely put on hold. And... I'm ok with that. In my mind that's how it should be. When my kids graduate from High School and are away at college, that's when I can do those things. I'll have all the time in the world to do them and will probably be sitting around wishing I didn't have time again. I'll be missing them so much I'll wish I had to run to practice. But, that's still a ways off for me and for now, I'd rather suffer thru all my choices of what to attend, or be tired from all the running vs. having to miss anything. It's worth it to get to enjoy every minute of still having them with me. It's going by so quickly.

PS... I hope I make the right decisions in two weeks. Or at the very least, have my kids understand the ones I do have to make. Wish I had that time turner watch that Hermione used in HP. Would sure come in handy...

Valuable lessons of the AntiChrist

Just back from church and as often happens to me when I’m there, I found something in the message that equates to real life in the present time. The study of late has been First John. While not getting into the entire message of the day, the point that struck me was Pastors conversation on Christ vs. the Antichrist. He was making several points in this conversation, but one that struck me was on what he describes as “fearful teaching”. His message is that people should not only be taught Christ’s teachings, but should also be exposed to the Antichrist teachings. The reason being that people should be shown what that is, so they can recognize it when they see it. It seems I finally have validation that what I’ve been doing with my own kids isn’t off base at all.

You see, I’ve known many people that believe their “kids shouldn’t be exposed to ______” (fill in your own blank), shouldn’t date until they are finished with school, etc. However, I’ve never believed that makes much sense. If kids aren’t exposed to certain things, how will they ever deal with them out in the real world when their most important support group is not as close at hand. I wouldn’t want my daughters first dating experience to be in College where their biggest support group on campus is made up of friends they’ve known for maybe a couple months. Those friends won’t know them like I know them. New friends won’t know the look they get when something is wrong, or what thoughts are behind those looks. And my girls may not be comfortable at all talking with them about issues since they are new friends. Heck, maybe they won’t be comfortable talking to me about certain things. But one thing they will know, is that they CAN talk to me no matter what it is, because I’ve opened that door a long time ago with them. I will talk with them like they are mature adults about anything, without judgment because that is not only my job, but also the type of relationship I hoped to be building with them for many years before they are on their own. I should talk to them about drugs and sex and anything else that might come their way BEFORE they are smack in the middle of the temptations of these things. If I shelter them, I am doing them a grave disservice. As they grow older, the conversations will undoubtedly change in content, but I don’t believe it’s too early to start any of that… there are age appropriate ways for everything. The girls have even watched shows that aren’t the most appropriate, but as we’ve found that out together while watching something new, it’s been a good lesson building experience. My oldest daughter asked to leave a movie many years ago because the language was bad (good for her for recognizing that and not wanting to be around it). Would that happen now, now that unfortunately that language is more commonplace to her in a High School, maybe not. But, she won’t use the language herself. So, she’s learned what she doesn’t like and will not take part in. But she’s also learned what she can’t stop others from doing, no matter how much you try or might want to. (As a quick aside, my oldest and me watched Roadhouse last night. I’ve seen it a million times on TV and love it. However, we watched the non-TV version. Oops… I’d forgotten how bad that was with the language and bare parts. I found myself forwarding through some of those for my own purposes… embarrassment mostly… and apologized to her for forgetting the real version was much different than the TV version. You see, I believe that parents should be respectful enough of their kids to apologize to them when they make mistakes too… we aren’t any more perfect than we expect them to be).

Many years ago, my ex-husband and I had a disagreement about the Harry Potter series. He believed the kids should never be exposed to them as they might start to believe in witchcraft. I believed our girls were smarter than that and knew the difference between reality and make believe. Oddly, he was ok with seeing the Lord of the Rings series though, as that had biblical undertones. Had he given HP a try, he would have found the same things, so maybe it was just the witchcraft that disturbed him. After all, in HP, Lord Voldermort was trying his best to rise to power for the sake of power. He was full of hate and wanted nothing more than to be the most powerful and have everyone worship him and only him. All of those things he desired were what caused his downfall to Harry… who was filled with love and the sense of right from wrong and who was always good no matter what evil tempted him. I always believed that if the girls wanted to watch HP, they could. That maybe their dad should watch it with them and then having seen it for himself, be able to have discussions about the movie (another opportunity for teaching moments of our own values).

In the end, my two daughters had a vast difference in their interests in the Harry Potter series. I have one that still won’t watch any of them. My belief still being the indoctrination of her father telling her how evil they were (or maybe that she just doesn’t like to make waves too much). The other has seen every movie (the first of which was her choice at a summer camp full of options. She told me she’d chosen that option after the fact). The thing to note about the one that has watched is that it was very easy for her to tell who was good and who was evil, as well as simply enjoy the movies for the entertainment value that they were. Never once did she ask if she could perform witchcraft. Guess she’s either as smart as I knew my girls would be about it, or that the values we’d already instilled, were in her head as she watched. To Pastor’s point today, she was exposed so that she would be able to tell when evil was around. She’d recognize evil by herself, and she did.

At some point, I believe parents need to trust in what they’ve instilled. I know that there will be times that kids will go against their parents wishes and maybe even against their values, but will we really love them less for it? Or will we still be there to hold their hands and guide them gently back to where we’d like them to be. And even if we can’t guide them back, does that mean we stop being there for them. Of course not. But I firmly believe to do my job well, I need to expose them to all sorts of things with the knowledge and understanding of what it all means from both sides of the perspective, while putting my own values in front of them. That’s my job, and I love my girls enough to do nothing less for them.