How to catch a fly

I was inspired recently by one of my FB friends. In her blog (Thank you Patty), she had decided to write about "little life lessons". Her first one was about re-filling the toilet paper roll, which I found very funny. But it made me think of this little lesson that I've tried to teach my girls since they were little. However, thinking of it made me realize, it isn't just kids that could benefit from it. It could carry much further than that. There are always people at any age, than can learn from a little life lesson. x

I remember growing up hearing the saying "you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar". Of course, when I was younger, my only thought around that was why would I want to catch flies anyway. However, it's a phrase now that is easy to figure out. I've mentioned it to my girls in their earlier years, however without the fly part... just in real words that this generation can understand. I've always let them know that their chances of getting me to do what they want or need is always better if they asked nicely. They certainly get that now... maybe too much sometimes. If the real sugar sweet "mommy" voice comes out, my first instinct is "what do you want". But at least at their young ages, they do get the concept.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I feel it dove tails a bit to a pet peeve of mine with society today... specifically in schools where we give ribbons and awards for participation so that no one feels left out. Or taking away Valedictorians from schools so those that don't get the honor, don't feel bad. Life is about feeling good and bad sometimes. It's also about how you handle both of those things. You need to learn to win graciously, and loose with dignity (sportsmanship at its finest). But even better than the winning and loosing end points, is what happens in between. While your working towards that goal or win, you need to feel good about what you are trying to accomplish. You need to hear the positive and negative about how you are doing working towards that goal. If all you hear is the negative, what inspires you to work harder? Conversely, if all you hear is the positive, how do you handle the loss if you can't understand why you lost? So there should be a balance in what people are told to manage their expectations. Neither all positive or all negative are good for anyone... it either builds them up too much (example: we have to endure very bad auditions while watching American Idol and the people say their parents told them how great they were their whole life), or we tear them down so much that we are enduring far too many depressed people because they don't believe they have much self-worth. Where is the middle ground for our kids to learn from today? Who's responsibility is it to teach them that middle ground? I believe it doesn't just lay within the parents boundary... it's everyone that has a role in being a leader... in kids, at the work place, everywhere. The point isn't to baby our kids, or co-workers as they need to learn to get along in the real world. The point also isn't to tear them down. The point is to give them real feedback... constructive feedback so that they have real expectations in life. If they have that given to them, they'll pay it forward and give it to future generations.

Or maybe I should just really start using the old fashioned phrase "you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar" to everyone I come in contact with, and hope it catches on somehow. If we're told the positive along with the negative... it makes us work that much harder on the bigger picture. We must ALL learn that simple lesson. It does work.