Just back from church and as often happens to me when I’m there, I found something in the message that equates to real life in the present time. The study of late has been First John. While not getting into the entire message of the day, the point that struck me was Pastors conversation on Christ vs. the Antichrist. He was making several points in this conversation, but one that struck me was on what he describes as “fearful teaching”. His message is that people should not only be taught Christ’s teachings, but should also be exposed to the Antichrist teachings. The reason being that people should be shown what that is, so they can recognize it when they see it. It seems I finally have validation that what I’ve been doing with my own kids isn’t off base at all.
You see, I’ve known many people that believe their “kids shouldn’t be exposed to ______” (fill in your own blank), shouldn’t date until they are finished with school, etc. However, I’ve never believed that makes much sense. If kids aren’t exposed to certain things, how will they ever deal with them out in the real world when their most important support group is not as close at hand. I wouldn’t want my daughters first dating experience to be in College where their biggest support group on campus is made up of friends they’ve known for maybe a couple months. Those friends won’t know them like I know them. New friends won’t know the look they get when something is wrong, or what thoughts are behind those looks. And my girls may not be comfortable at all talking with them about issues since they are new friends. Heck, maybe they won’t be comfortable talking to me about certain things. But one thing they will know, is that they CAN talk to me no matter what it is, because I’ve opened that door a long time ago with them. I will talk with them like they are mature adults about anything, without judgment because that is not only my job, but also the type of relationship I hoped to be building with them for many years before they are on their own. I should talk to them about drugs and sex and anything else that might come their way BEFORE they are smack in the middle of the temptations of these things. If I shelter them, I am doing them a grave disservice. As they grow older, the conversations will undoubtedly change in content, but I don’t believe it’s too early to start any of that… there are age appropriate ways for everything. The girls have even watched shows that aren’t the most appropriate, but as we’ve found that out together while watching something new, it’s been a good lesson building experience. My oldest daughter asked to leave a movie many years ago because the language was bad (good for her for recognizing that and not wanting to be around it). Would that happen now, now that unfortunately that language is more commonplace to her in a High School, maybe not. But, she won’t use the language herself. So, she’s learned what she doesn’t like and will not take part in. But she’s also learned what she can’t stop others from doing, no matter how much you try or might want to. (As a quick aside, my oldest and me watched Roadhouse last night. I’ve seen it a million times on TV and love it. However, we watched the non-TV version. Oops… I’d forgotten how bad that was with the language and bare parts. I found myself forwarding through some of those for my own purposes… embarrassment mostly… and apologized to her for forgetting the real version was much different than the TV version. You see, I believe that parents should be respectful enough of their kids to apologize to them when they make mistakes too… we aren’t any more perfect than we expect them to be).
Many years ago, my ex-husband and I had a disagreement about the Harry Potter series. He believed the kids should never be exposed to them as they might start to believe in witchcraft. I believed our girls were smarter than that and knew the difference between reality and make believe. Oddly, he was ok with seeing the Lord of the Rings series though, as that had biblical undertones. Had he given HP a try, he would have found the same things, so maybe it was just the witchcraft that disturbed him. After all, in HP, Lord Voldermort was trying his best to rise to power for the sake of power. He was full of hate and wanted nothing more than to be the most powerful and have everyone worship him and only him. All of those things he desired were what caused his downfall to Harry… who was filled with love and the sense of right from wrong and who was always good no matter what evil tempted him. I always believed that if the girls wanted to watch HP, they could. That maybe their dad should watch it with them and then having seen it for himself, be able to have discussions about the movie (another opportunity for teaching moments of our own values).
In the end, my two daughters had a vast difference in their interests in the Harry Potter series. I have one that still won’t watch any of them. My belief still being the indoctrination of her father telling her how evil they were (or maybe that she just doesn’t like to make waves too much). The other has seen every movie (the first of which was her choice at a summer camp full of options. She told me she’d chosen that option after the fact). The thing to note about the one that has watched is that it was very easy for her to tell who was good and who was evil, as well as simply enjoy the movies for the entertainment value that they were. Never once did she ask if she could perform witchcraft. Guess she’s either as smart as I knew my girls would be about it, or that the values we’d already instilled, were in her head as she watched. To Pastor’s point today, she was exposed so that she would be able to tell when evil was around. She’d recognize evil by herself, and she did.
At some point, I believe parents need to trust in what they’ve instilled. I know that there will be times that kids will go against their parents wishes and maybe even against their values, but will we really love them less for it? Or will we still be there to hold their hands and guide them gently back to where we’d like them to be. And even if we can’t guide them back, does that mean we stop being there for them. Of course not. But I firmly believe to do my job well, I need to expose them to all sorts of things with the knowledge and understanding of what it all means from both sides of the perspective, while putting my own values in front of them. That’s my job, and I love my girls enough to do nothing less for them.
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