It’s almost midnight and time to ring in a new year…a year that will be filled with new adventures for all of us. A wedding, new jobs, more kids in college and our last one will be a senior in High School. All of those things will be filled with happiness and undoubtedly new challenges. Yet all are something I’m looking forward to with excitement.
As I think of this last year, there have been a lot of highlights (especially the engagement). But nothing can compare to the range of emotions I’ve felt over this last week. The senseless tragedy on Christmas Eve morning in Webster has never been far from my mind since the moment I woke at 6am that day. There has been a lot of confusion over why something like this could ever happen, as well as a lot of tears. They have come in spurts and have been both sad and happy and proud tears. It’s unbelievable how many lives have been effected by this terrible event, yet so inspiring how people have handled it. Witnessing the amount of firefighters, police, first responders, etc that have come to our town to show respect and help us mourn, means more to our town then can be put into words. The generosity of folks from not only here, but all over the nation has been incredible. The amount of people that came to our town and are posting how our town welcomed them and took care of them makes me so proud to have lived in this community for most of my life. The Facebook page that was put up to coordinate peoples needs and opportunities to help, and also for others to share all of their stories of support and gratitude for the hospitality, was incredible. But most of all, being able to be a part of the amazing outreach for all those that keep us safe on a daily basis, has been humbling.
I didn’t attend the funerals in person as there were many more people that deserved to be sitting in those seats. However, I did watch both of them and they were heart wrenching, yet so beautiful at the same time. There are so many remarkable people in our town, our city and our nation. If there is good to come out of all of the suffering through this tragic event, it is that the outpouring of support, the generosity of strangers, and the acts of kindness can help to restore our faith in the good in our world. I hope that all the goodwill shown and acts of kindness continue. Let all the good we can do shine and maybe it can do something, in some small way, to help stamp out the bad.
To my best of friends that live this life of service every day in your families (you know who you are), know always that I’ll be there for you for anything you need. I have listened in the past to you say how hard it is when your families leave when those whistles and sirens blow. I have understood the best that I could to this point without living it myself. This week brought it all home in the worst of ways. I love you and support you and your families with all my heart. I’m sorry you went through this in the most intimate way this week… ways the rest of us can only say we understand. You are heroes to me, as much as your loved ones that leave for those calls , and I have the utmost respect for you as I do for them.
So here’s to the start of a new year… new memories… while never forgetting the events that shape us. Love to all… Happy New Year!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Reaction to a Tragedy...
I’ve kept fairly silent about the whole tragedy in Connecticut. I didn’t watch TV at all the day it occurred because I knew I couldn’t bear it, especially the way that the news media goes about their reporting. But unfortunately, it’s hard to stay out of the fray when people post the things they do on Facebook and other social media. It’s a shame that in trying to express their sadness and grieving that they don’t even realize how much hate they are spewing at the same time. I’m all for praying for the families, victims, community etc in situations like this, but people are taking it to either the farthest extremes, or simplifying it so much, that that is what’s frightening to me.
Two basic overall themes are prevailing in social media… 1. That we should ban all guns as they are the reason for it or 2. That if only people believed in God these things wouldn’t happen. Both of those sentiments are simply untrue in that simplistic form.
Guns… There are two sides to this argument. One being that it’s our 2nd amendment right to arm ourselves. While that may be the case as written, I don’t believe that either all guns are bad, or that it would be wrong to try to ban some guns. I don’t think we need assault weapons in the hands of normal every day citizens. But I do believe that if some sick person wanted to get one, they could… and they do. There is no quick and easy answer for this. Every person that owns a gun is not apt to use it to commit mass murder any more than the fact that a person who doesn’t own any guns would never commit murder. Nothing is that black and white. There needs to be more behind this then simply banning a weapon. I’m not claiming to know the answer, but I do know for certain the answer will not be that simple. We could beg congress to act and have more restrictions, but that does not mean we’ll see these things stop happening. I wish it did. I’d be the first to fight for the legislation if I thought that was all it would take. But it isn’t. There are other reasons these things happen, other factors that go into it. But to jump on bandwagons with a simple law, won’t deter someone if they really want to commit these types of crimes. Would more restrictions at least help keep weapons out of the hands of people that would commit these crimes, maybe. But we need to be open to more than just one simple law. I wish I knew the answer here, and I’m not claiming to, but knee jerk reactions won’t work. We should be having this conversation over and over again until we can come up with something that is helpful. We should have these conversations at times other than right after these tragedies, but we don’t seem to. However, arguing black and white won’t bring these victims back. I’m all for the argument, but lets do it in the best way possible not just rudeness towards others opinions on social media.
God… This one is particularly troubling for me and I’m a strong believer in God. However, when I see people saying that those that don’t have God in their lives are cold hearted killers and more apt to do these things, it maddens me to no end. Anyone that knows me knows how I detest when people lump groups together. For any person to even remotely infer that people that don’t believe in God are likely to do these things is as “unchristian” as you can get. How can they stand in that judgment and make a statement like that. I will say again, that I know a lot of folks that don’t believe in God that are far better people then a lot of the self-proclaimed Christians I know. At least they don’t claim to live one way and then get caught doing the most unchristian things (I’ve seen way too much of that). They are not hypocritical people, not judgmental people and are very very loving and supportive people, with great family values. They simply don’t believe in God. What makes you any better than them. What makes them any worse than anyone else just because they have that lack of that particular belief. NOTHING. So, for someone to sit and say that they are likely to commit a crime like this because they lack that belief is a horrible and extremely unchristian view.
The other side of the God issue that I’m pondering, is Christians thinking that if God wasn’t “removed from our schools” this wouldn’t have happened? How does that actually play out. If you’re a Christian, you should know that God is always with you, so he’s never “removed” from anything or any place. Prayer is allowed in schools, just not forced by law on schools. How can you force that Christian prayer on all students in a country that has freedom of all religions. If you do that and there are other religious kids in class, then you are also saying (by advocating for prayer of your religion in school) that then the Christian kids would also sit thru other students’ religious type of prayer as well. If that’s what the “bring religion back to school means” then I’m ok with that. I’m just not ok with ONE type of religion being there. But I digress. The real issue is that if God were “allowed” in the school this wouldn’t happen. Why is that? If everyone was brought up listening to God in schools from early on, this monster wouldn’t have then come years later and shot at everyone because he had heard how wrong it was in school? I’m pretty sure that there must be cases of monsters coming out of catholic schools where they hear about religion and right from wrong in their schools. Is just hearing about it enough to make people comfortable with the fact that no evil will occur because they have heard the word? Hearing the word and abiding by it are two different things. You can’t make people abide by what they hear. And just hearing it doesn’t put it in their hearts they way it would be if they were true believers and were trying to be Christ like. Christians who are advocating for that and also spouting how cold-hearted all non-believers are, are not acting very Christ like either. The point being, just having mandatory prayer in school would not have stopped this from occurring. That again, is too simplistic and too black and white.
Again, I’m not looking for any arguments here, just stating my feelings on what has been plastered all over social media in very basic terms. I’m not saying that IF those two things were done it wouldn’t have any effect at all. And if either of these ideas even stopped one senseless crime like what has occurred yet again, it could be worth it. I am saying that it would not stop all these crimes (unfortunately). I’m more concerned that when folks react from their gut (as we all do in these situations) that more hate towards folks that would NEVER do these things, seems to be an underlying message and that troubles me. I think we need to be careful HOW we state things. Think before speaking. Maybe even think before hating would be a better sentiment.
With all that said, I still can’t or won’t be glued to a tv to watch coverage of this. I can’t bear it at any time, but especially when it is young children involved. My heart is breaking for everyone involved and even those of us just trying to make any sense of this tragedy. There is no amount of coverage that will bring them back, and I can’t stand to see them even speak of the killer. I can’t stand to hear pundits or experts speak of mental illness like everyone that has one will commit a crime. I can’t stand to hear that anyone without God in their life is likely to do something so hideous. It makes me want to use my angry words and temper and MY God wouldn’t want me to do that, or to show hate while working my way through my emotions during this time.
May those who's lives were touched by this tragedy be able to find peace in whatever way works for them. We will all be holding them in our thoughts and extend to them our deepest sympathies.
Two basic overall themes are prevailing in social media… 1. That we should ban all guns as they are the reason for it or 2. That if only people believed in God these things wouldn’t happen. Both of those sentiments are simply untrue in that simplistic form.
Guns… There are two sides to this argument. One being that it’s our 2nd amendment right to arm ourselves. While that may be the case as written, I don’t believe that either all guns are bad, or that it would be wrong to try to ban some guns. I don’t think we need assault weapons in the hands of normal every day citizens. But I do believe that if some sick person wanted to get one, they could… and they do. There is no quick and easy answer for this. Every person that owns a gun is not apt to use it to commit mass murder any more than the fact that a person who doesn’t own any guns would never commit murder. Nothing is that black and white. There needs to be more behind this then simply banning a weapon. I’m not claiming to know the answer, but I do know for certain the answer will not be that simple. We could beg congress to act and have more restrictions, but that does not mean we’ll see these things stop happening. I wish it did. I’d be the first to fight for the legislation if I thought that was all it would take. But it isn’t. There are other reasons these things happen, other factors that go into it. But to jump on bandwagons with a simple law, won’t deter someone if they really want to commit these types of crimes. Would more restrictions at least help keep weapons out of the hands of people that would commit these crimes, maybe. But we need to be open to more than just one simple law. I wish I knew the answer here, and I’m not claiming to, but knee jerk reactions won’t work. We should be having this conversation over and over again until we can come up with something that is helpful. We should have these conversations at times other than right after these tragedies, but we don’t seem to. However, arguing black and white won’t bring these victims back. I’m all for the argument, but lets do it in the best way possible not just rudeness towards others opinions on social media.
God… This one is particularly troubling for me and I’m a strong believer in God. However, when I see people saying that those that don’t have God in their lives are cold hearted killers and more apt to do these things, it maddens me to no end. Anyone that knows me knows how I detest when people lump groups together. For any person to even remotely infer that people that don’t believe in God are likely to do these things is as “unchristian” as you can get. How can they stand in that judgment and make a statement like that. I will say again, that I know a lot of folks that don’t believe in God that are far better people then a lot of the self-proclaimed Christians I know. At least they don’t claim to live one way and then get caught doing the most unchristian things (I’ve seen way too much of that). They are not hypocritical people, not judgmental people and are very very loving and supportive people, with great family values. They simply don’t believe in God. What makes you any better than them. What makes them any worse than anyone else just because they have that lack of that particular belief. NOTHING. So, for someone to sit and say that they are likely to commit a crime like this because they lack that belief is a horrible and extremely unchristian view.
The other side of the God issue that I’m pondering, is Christians thinking that if God wasn’t “removed from our schools” this wouldn’t have happened? How does that actually play out. If you’re a Christian, you should know that God is always with you, so he’s never “removed” from anything or any place. Prayer is allowed in schools, just not forced by law on schools. How can you force that Christian prayer on all students in a country that has freedom of all religions. If you do that and there are other religious kids in class, then you are also saying (by advocating for prayer of your religion in school) that then the Christian kids would also sit thru other students’ religious type of prayer as well. If that’s what the “bring religion back to school means” then I’m ok with that. I’m just not ok with ONE type of religion being there. But I digress. The real issue is that if God were “allowed” in the school this wouldn’t happen. Why is that? If everyone was brought up listening to God in schools from early on, this monster wouldn’t have then come years later and shot at everyone because he had heard how wrong it was in school? I’m pretty sure that there must be cases of monsters coming out of catholic schools where they hear about religion and right from wrong in their schools. Is just hearing about it enough to make people comfortable with the fact that no evil will occur because they have heard the word? Hearing the word and abiding by it are two different things. You can’t make people abide by what they hear. And just hearing it doesn’t put it in their hearts they way it would be if they were true believers and were trying to be Christ like. Christians who are advocating for that and also spouting how cold-hearted all non-believers are, are not acting very Christ like either. The point being, just having mandatory prayer in school would not have stopped this from occurring. That again, is too simplistic and too black and white.
Again, I’m not looking for any arguments here, just stating my feelings on what has been plastered all over social media in very basic terms. I’m not saying that IF those two things were done it wouldn’t have any effect at all. And if either of these ideas even stopped one senseless crime like what has occurred yet again, it could be worth it. I am saying that it would not stop all these crimes (unfortunately). I’m more concerned that when folks react from their gut (as we all do in these situations) that more hate towards folks that would NEVER do these things, seems to be an underlying message and that troubles me. I think we need to be careful HOW we state things. Think before speaking. Maybe even think before hating would be a better sentiment.
With all that said, I still can’t or won’t be glued to a tv to watch coverage of this. I can’t bear it at any time, but especially when it is young children involved. My heart is breaking for everyone involved and even those of us just trying to make any sense of this tragedy. There is no amount of coverage that will bring them back, and I can’t stand to see them even speak of the killer. I can’t stand to hear pundits or experts speak of mental illness like everyone that has one will commit a crime. I can’t stand to hear that anyone without God in their life is likely to do something so hideous. It makes me want to use my angry words and temper and MY God wouldn’t want me to do that, or to show hate while working my way through my emotions during this time.
May those who's lives were touched by this tragedy be able to find peace in whatever way works for them. We will all be holding them in our thoughts and extend to them our deepest sympathies.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Raising an Independent thinker
Something historic happened last night, and no, I'm not talking about the results of the election. It does, however, have something to do with how it all played out last night for me. It was my oldest daughters first experience with voting. And from all accounts at least, it was not a horrible experience for her. For me, it was kind of fun. She is away at college so she did an absentee ballot. I was going to send it in for her so sealed it so that it was private (as it should be). She told me that if she didn't know who the people were or what they stood for, she didn't bother to fill out that part of the ballot. I respect that as I believe voters should be informed. But that was all prior to last night. Last night, I spent a fair bit of time texting with her while the election played out. I was keeping her up to date on results as she didn't always have the tv on. I answered some questions she had during the results and I congratulated her on being a part of the process, regardless of if I knew who she voted for or if her person won or lost (even though I really do know her choice). And here's why...
From the time she was very little, I took her with me to vote. I explained to her why it was so important to me and why it always would be. I had her see first hand the old fashioned booths we had and how the process worked. She's also always been very well aware of what side of the issues I stand. I clearly remember that when voting in one particular election, my ex-husband and I took both girls to vote. She went in the booth with her Dad and my youngest with me. She came out and while walking to the parking lot, she came up and whispered to me "Dad cancelled out your vote". She clearly knew he and I were on different sides. But I told her that was ok, at least we both did what we believed. It was my way of letting her know that just because I knew he would cancel out my vote, it wouldn't ever stop me from participating.
As she grew older and she still knew where I stood on issues, she asked me "what does the other side believe". That was my moment of truth. It was a clear moment for me to decide what type of girls I wanted to raise when it came to these types of things. Did I just want to trash the other side and make it sound all bad because they believe differently than I do? Or did I want to be the kind of mother that factually told the difference on the issues and have daughters that would grow to be independent, strong woman that could think for themselves and not just do as they were told. Anyone who knows me, can probably already answer that question with no trouble at all. In my opinion, I chose very wisely.
My kids hear very different things from the people in their lives on what they "should" believe on certain issues. But one thing I'm very sure of is that they make up their own mind. Sometimes they silently sit back and listen and just shake their heads at some of the things they hear. Other times they very freely speak their minds (guess that depends on how strongly they feel and how well they pick their battles). I've even fielded the questions on "how do you even know who you like when you're first starting". I told them that it could change over time as certain topics become important to them. They needed to think of the issues and which ones were most important to them and then learn where a person stands on those things. Later in life when more things become important to them, they'll continue on in that process. I'm thrilled that they both know they can ask me these things and know that I'll present information to them in such a way as to allow them to make up their own minds, not just tell them "vote this way". They are not "sound bite" people at all. Inquiring minds is a very good thing.
Having said all of this, don't get me wrong. It's not like there are lots of political talks on a regular basis. She hates "politics" (meaning the mean, nasty say what people want to hear and lie about everything else type of things). But she cares a lot about the outcome.
I'm not sure if anyone else watches a show called Last Man Standing (Tim Allen's show). It started again for the season last week (you could catch it on Hulu) and the first episode was titled "Voting". It was all about the family that was split between the two candidates and how they were trying to "get" the newest voter on each of the sides. It used real things from this election, names and everything, but the point at the end was well worth watching and brings my point into play perfectly. It would be a great tool to use for those that have new or near new voters, regardless of which side you're on. If you choose to watch, enjoy and be glad for your ability to choose in your own way to participate in the process.
From the time she was very little, I took her with me to vote. I explained to her why it was so important to me and why it always would be. I had her see first hand the old fashioned booths we had and how the process worked. She's also always been very well aware of what side of the issues I stand. I clearly remember that when voting in one particular election, my ex-husband and I took both girls to vote. She went in the booth with her Dad and my youngest with me. She came out and while walking to the parking lot, she came up and whispered to me "Dad cancelled out your vote". She clearly knew he and I were on different sides. But I told her that was ok, at least we both did what we believed. It was my way of letting her know that just because I knew he would cancel out my vote, it wouldn't ever stop me from participating.
As she grew older and she still knew where I stood on issues, she asked me "what does the other side believe". That was my moment of truth. It was a clear moment for me to decide what type of girls I wanted to raise when it came to these types of things. Did I just want to trash the other side and make it sound all bad because they believe differently than I do? Or did I want to be the kind of mother that factually told the difference on the issues and have daughters that would grow to be independent, strong woman that could think for themselves and not just do as they were told. Anyone who knows me, can probably already answer that question with no trouble at all. In my opinion, I chose very wisely.
My kids hear very different things from the people in their lives on what they "should" believe on certain issues. But one thing I'm very sure of is that they make up their own mind. Sometimes they silently sit back and listen and just shake their heads at some of the things they hear. Other times they very freely speak their minds (guess that depends on how strongly they feel and how well they pick their battles). I've even fielded the questions on "how do you even know who you like when you're first starting". I told them that it could change over time as certain topics become important to them. They needed to think of the issues and which ones were most important to them and then learn where a person stands on those things. Later in life when more things become important to them, they'll continue on in that process. I'm thrilled that they both know they can ask me these things and know that I'll present information to them in such a way as to allow them to make up their own minds, not just tell them "vote this way". They are not "sound bite" people at all. Inquiring minds is a very good thing.
Having said all of this, don't get me wrong. It's not like there are lots of political talks on a regular basis. She hates "politics" (meaning the mean, nasty say what people want to hear and lie about everything else type of things). But she cares a lot about the outcome.
I'm not sure if anyone else watches a show called Last Man Standing (Tim Allen's show). It started again for the season last week (you could catch it on Hulu) and the first episode was titled "Voting". It was all about the family that was split between the two candidates and how they were trying to "get" the newest voter on each of the sides. It used real things from this election, names and everything, but the point at the end was well worth watching and brings my point into play perfectly. It would be a great tool to use for those that have new or near new voters, regardless of which side you're on. If you choose to watch, enjoy and be glad for your ability to choose in your own way to participate in the process.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
My Election Craziness...
Everyone knows I'm a political geek of sorts... love to follow and actually do my own research vs. listening to sound bites and just hating on one person. Everyone also knows how much I hate election season and here's why?
The right loves their conspiracy theories (job rates), the left likes to say fear mongering (however, Romney actually tried to say the left was doing that this time around..haha), when we all know that everyone claims to find all of that as negative in an election. But the ones who like to say they hate negative campaigns, are some of the most negative people in the process.
So here's what I know... a lot of people are going to vote for Romney because he's not Obama, NOT because they like and/or believe him (which is understandable given he's changed his mind on most everything in the last couple weeks). But if he should win on November 6th, I wonder what will happen to his conspiracy theory about the jobs numbers? If they are still low will it suddenly be because he's great and has wonderful ideas or will he get mad if the left then says he's cooking the books like they think Obama is now? Will he really do everything he claims he'll do on day 1, or will he claim he can't get that stuff done because people won't work with him (as we all know is what is happening now, but people call an excuse)? Will he really completely get rid of Obamacare or will he get in office and already start working on the campaign 4 years from now and realize they'll be a lot of people out of healthcare if he does that? Will he really sign a bill banning all abortion as he said in the primaries, or will he not do a thing like when he was a governor? Basically, will he really show what it's like to really be in office, vs. running for office.
All I'll know for sure is that if he wins, we are lead to believe we will see many many things get done immediately, not a few years from now, because he knows how to get it done... just like McCain said repeatedly about knowing how to get BinLaden. He knew how to do it, he just didn't share. The very same people that waited for the economy to turn around immediately and complained when it didn't, will be screaming to give him time for his issues. I'm sure they'll be a lot of excuses for what can't get done, and a lot of praise for things that might get better that's already in place and starting to work (the economy is showing signs of the upswing whether people want to hear it or not). Either way, they'll take credit/blame for whatever they see fit, and find a way to spin it later. And, they'll be a lot of people that buy into it. And when the left side calls them on it, I'm sure they'll get bashed for it too. What's good for the right to go after now, will not be good for the left to go after later... that will somehow be different and off limits. That's the part that makes me laugh and scream all at the same time.
One other thing I know, is that people will be living what they asked for. For all that believe they are not living on some type of government help in their lives, you'll likely find out that you, or someone you love, is and if they are really successful in getting rid of all the programs that are so offensive, remember it's what you asked for. Remember that he'll have done what he said he'd do (although I doubt he even remembers what he's said at this point it's changed so much). Just remember, and be ready with the excuses for it. I'm sure they'll be out there. But what will be even more fun, is listening to those like Rush figure out how he'll go about bashing Romney, because you know that's coming too. He's an entertainer, not an expert by any means, which means, he needs to make his money and stay employed. Of course, it shouldn't be too hard for him to jump to that, as he bashed him good enough during the primaries. The spin and hypocrisy of people like him, and campaign people are what makes me hate election season.
Can't wait til it's over, no matter which way it turns out. At least on November 7th, I'll be having fun either way. Either happy at who won, or having fun watching the party figure out that they either got had, or the president elect getting crushed by the party, before he even takes office.
Oh, and back to the political geek part... yes, I've already taken off work for the entire election day... as always. I'm also a gluten for punishment :)
Peace :)
The right loves their conspiracy theories (job rates), the left likes to say fear mongering (however, Romney actually tried to say the left was doing that this time around..haha), when we all know that everyone claims to find all of that as negative in an election. But the ones who like to say they hate negative campaigns, are some of the most negative people in the process.
So here's what I know... a lot of people are going to vote for Romney because he's not Obama, NOT because they like and/or believe him (which is understandable given he's changed his mind on most everything in the last couple weeks). But if he should win on November 6th, I wonder what will happen to his conspiracy theory about the jobs numbers? If they are still low will it suddenly be because he's great and has wonderful ideas or will he get mad if the left then says he's cooking the books like they think Obama is now? Will he really do everything he claims he'll do on day 1, or will he claim he can't get that stuff done because people won't work with him (as we all know is what is happening now, but people call an excuse)? Will he really completely get rid of Obamacare or will he get in office and already start working on the campaign 4 years from now and realize they'll be a lot of people out of healthcare if he does that? Will he really sign a bill banning all abortion as he said in the primaries, or will he not do a thing like when he was a governor? Basically, will he really show what it's like to really be in office, vs. running for office.
All I'll know for sure is that if he wins, we are lead to believe we will see many many things get done immediately, not a few years from now, because he knows how to get it done... just like McCain said repeatedly about knowing how to get BinLaden. He knew how to do it, he just didn't share. The very same people that waited for the economy to turn around immediately and complained when it didn't, will be screaming to give him time for his issues. I'm sure they'll be a lot of excuses for what can't get done, and a lot of praise for things that might get better that's already in place and starting to work (the economy is showing signs of the upswing whether people want to hear it or not). Either way, they'll take credit/blame for whatever they see fit, and find a way to spin it later. And, they'll be a lot of people that buy into it. And when the left side calls them on it, I'm sure they'll get bashed for it too. What's good for the right to go after now, will not be good for the left to go after later... that will somehow be different and off limits. That's the part that makes me laugh and scream all at the same time.
One other thing I know, is that people will be living what they asked for. For all that believe they are not living on some type of government help in their lives, you'll likely find out that you, or someone you love, is and if they are really successful in getting rid of all the programs that are so offensive, remember it's what you asked for. Remember that he'll have done what he said he'd do (although I doubt he even remembers what he's said at this point it's changed so much). Just remember, and be ready with the excuses for it. I'm sure they'll be out there. But what will be even more fun, is listening to those like Rush figure out how he'll go about bashing Romney, because you know that's coming too. He's an entertainer, not an expert by any means, which means, he needs to make his money and stay employed. Of course, it shouldn't be too hard for him to jump to that, as he bashed him good enough during the primaries. The spin and hypocrisy of people like him, and campaign people are what makes me hate election season.
Can't wait til it's over, no matter which way it turns out. At least on November 7th, I'll be having fun either way. Either happy at who won, or having fun watching the party figure out that they either got had, or the president elect getting crushed by the party, before he even takes office.
Oh, and back to the political geek part... yes, I've already taken off work for the entire election day... as always. I'm also a gluten for punishment :)
Peace :)
Friday, August 26, 2011
A parents advice… for good or bad…
Over the years of raising children and watching them grow, we as parents give a lot of advice. Some they take, some not so much. But always I wonder if the advice I’m giving as a parent is helpful or harmful in this day and age. As I’ve spent months debating this in my head, I believe that I’ve come to a couple conclusions. First, that of course, not everything works the same for every person or situation. And second, having been through many of the same situations I find my girls in at their current ages, and having lived a more varied life than they have yet to live, I still think some of these nuggets are sound for the younger crowd.
For anyone that has paid any attention to my blog or FB page, they’ve seen over and over a theme of respectful behavior. It’s something pretty important to me. I hate it when people that hold public office are not treated with respect, even if you don’t respect the person personally. I hate that people so easily lump people into categories based on what a few do that they don’t like. I hate that people call each other names, etc. All of that bothers me. And the strangest part about that is that I myself am not the kind of person that blanketly believes everyone deserves to be “respected”. I do, however, believe that you should treat all people with respect. I believe there is a difference in those two things, and I believe respect is earned, not guaranteed.
I remember being told at work early on in my career that I should respect the levels of management more . This happened because I didn’t stop an entire presentation in it’s logical order to answer a question that would have been answered more towards the end of my speech. A high level manager asked the question and apparently I should have just stopped where I was and answered it regardless of how far off track it took us. What I did was politely tell him that his question would be answered towards the end and would probably make more sense if we left it for later in the presentation. I guess that was the wrong approach, but the one that seemed the most logical to me based on the situation. Later when I was contemplating my way of handling it, I realized it was probably because of how I remember hearing from my dad “he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like you do” whenever topics like this came up when I was younger. To me that meant we were all the same. As long as you handled it respectfully, they weren’t any better than me just because they held a higher position.
So, if I took my queues from my father, does that mean my girls take them from me? Maybe. And if so, is it always appropriate. Here’s a couple things I’ve tried to instill in them.
I believe there is a line that should be drawn between them and people such as teachers, coaches, bosses, etc. I believe they should “be friendly” but not “friends” with those positional people. I believe there should be that boundry so that there is also a respectful relationship. If you’re ‘friends” that line can get blurred. If I look at the situation at their current ages, does that advice help or hurt them. Probably a little of both depending on the situation. However, if I project that advice out into their futures, I think I’m doing them a great service to spell it out for them now. When my little one started cheering at 7 years old, she was on a team where everyone else had cheered for a year before she got there. There were very clearly favorites among the teenage coaches and little girls. The parents could watch some girls being carried around by the coaches, always getting to hang out with them, etc. You could also watch other girls sitting in another group and the coaches not caring if they were there or not. Luckily, my girl was somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. However, she still cheers and would love to coach little ones. So for her future plans, and having seen those two extremes in her own young cheer career, my advice to her on the topic of drawing that line may help her NOT make any other little child feel bad, and I think that’s a good thing. On the flip of that, I’ve also witnessed her not talking to her own coaches enough to even let them know that she’s injured. She’d more likely just do what’s expected of her because the coach said so and not speak up. I’m sure there is a LOT of middle ground to be realized there . I continue to work on that but, hopefully, she’ll find that sweet spot on her own.
There’s also the advice of not caring what others think about you as long as you’re happy with yourself. I’ve never been the type to care about that at all. I think I did push that off on my kids for sure. I’ve explained to them that even if they are confident in themselves, as long as they don’t go around saying it, they’ll be ok. There is unfortunately, a fine line between not caring what others think of you, and seeming conceited. As long as they keep their comments to themselves, they should be ok for the most part. That doesn’t mean they think they’re great or anything… but it does mean that they are happy enough with themselves that what others think doesn’t matter so much to them. Having said that, it also doesn’t mean they can’t get their feelings hurt by people. But it does mean that they tend to let a lot roll off. It’s been a struggle sometimes I’m sure, but for their future happiness, I think this is a very good trait. Much better than always having to worry about what others think so much that you conform to things you normally wouldn’t, or end up just being a follower. I’m actually quite proud of my girls for this trait. It’s a hard one to pull off sometimes. And it’s also hard to correlate that with the criticism that can come from others. However, not caring what people think does not mean ignoring what is said. People should never ignore criticism, but should find out what’s behind it. Ask for help with whatever you’re being criticized about. If the person doing it is truly trying to give “constructive criticism” they’ll be willing to take the time to help you. If they aren’t willing to help you, it’s likely they aren’t trying to be constructive at all, but that there is something more at play. Either way, you’ll learn something out of the exchange that can come in handy for the future.
And finally, how about this good nugget… There will always be someone better at something than you are, and you’ll always be better at something than someone else. That doesn’t mean you don’t try harder at something, but does mean you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. (I know, easier said than done sometimes). Remember that others are comparing themselves to someone too. Maybe you. The point is to just strive to be YOUR best, not THE best and you’ll end up being happy with yourself for trying and for recognizing your own personal growth.
While pondering these thoughts these last couple months, I realized that they were probably coming from a place of uncertainty about all our upcoming changes. One of my girls goes to College for the first time. They’ll be new professors, friends, coaches, directors, etc. The advice holds with all these changes… Treat others with respect, everyone deserves that even if you don’t personally respect the person or position they hold. Be friendly to everyone, not just who you are friends with. And strive to achieve your own personal best at whatever you do without letting others tear you down. If you can successfully follow those rules, you’ll be happier with yourself overall and that’s when your true light will shine through. You’ll be the better person you want to be.
So to both my girls I say, go forth and concur whatever new changes and challenges lie ahead for you. And if this and other advice I’ve given you over these wonderful years of parenting you has been harmful, I’m sorry for that. But never sorry for sharing experiences that will help you in the long run even if they seem odd now. I realize not all of it will work for each of you and you’ll find your own way in life ultimately. But always remember that no matter what, you can ALWAYS count on me to be here for you in a way that you don’t even comprehend at the moment. As the song said when you were younger “…and when the day is done my mama’s still my biggest fan” will always hold true.
One last thing to remember, there will always be a lot of people willing to judge you, but in the end, two things are for certain. What you think about yourself matters most now, and secondly, that there is only one “person” who’s judgement will ultimately matter. One “person” that knows how everyone is treating others. Only you can determine who’s judgement matters most to you? Theirs or HIS?
For anyone that has paid any attention to my blog or FB page, they’ve seen over and over a theme of respectful behavior. It’s something pretty important to me. I hate it when people that hold public office are not treated with respect, even if you don’t respect the person personally. I hate that people so easily lump people into categories based on what a few do that they don’t like. I hate that people call each other names, etc. All of that bothers me. And the strangest part about that is that I myself am not the kind of person that blanketly believes everyone deserves to be “respected”. I do, however, believe that you should treat all people with respect. I believe there is a difference in those two things, and I believe respect is earned, not guaranteed.
I remember being told at work early on in my career that I should respect the levels of management more . This happened because I didn’t stop an entire presentation in it’s logical order to answer a question that would have been answered more towards the end of my speech. A high level manager asked the question and apparently I should have just stopped where I was and answered it regardless of how far off track it took us. What I did was politely tell him that his question would be answered towards the end and would probably make more sense if we left it for later in the presentation. I guess that was the wrong approach, but the one that seemed the most logical to me based on the situation. Later when I was contemplating my way of handling it, I realized it was probably because of how I remember hearing from my dad “he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like you do” whenever topics like this came up when I was younger. To me that meant we were all the same. As long as you handled it respectfully, they weren’t any better than me just because they held a higher position.
So, if I took my queues from my father, does that mean my girls take them from me? Maybe. And if so, is it always appropriate. Here’s a couple things I’ve tried to instill in them.
I believe there is a line that should be drawn between them and people such as teachers, coaches, bosses, etc. I believe they should “be friendly” but not “friends” with those positional people. I believe there should be that boundry so that there is also a respectful relationship. If you’re ‘friends” that line can get blurred. If I look at the situation at their current ages, does that advice help or hurt them. Probably a little of both depending on the situation. However, if I project that advice out into their futures, I think I’m doing them a great service to spell it out for them now. When my little one started cheering at 7 years old, she was on a team where everyone else had cheered for a year before she got there. There were very clearly favorites among the teenage coaches and little girls. The parents could watch some girls being carried around by the coaches, always getting to hang out with them, etc. You could also watch other girls sitting in another group and the coaches not caring if they were there or not. Luckily, my girl was somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. However, she still cheers and would love to coach little ones. So for her future plans, and having seen those two extremes in her own young cheer career, my advice to her on the topic of drawing that line may help her NOT make any other little child feel bad, and I think that’s a good thing. On the flip of that, I’ve also witnessed her not talking to her own coaches enough to even let them know that she’s injured. She’d more likely just do what’s expected of her because the coach said so and not speak up. I’m sure there is a LOT of middle ground to be realized there . I continue to work on that but, hopefully, she’ll find that sweet spot on her own.
There’s also the advice of not caring what others think about you as long as you’re happy with yourself. I’ve never been the type to care about that at all. I think I did push that off on my kids for sure. I’ve explained to them that even if they are confident in themselves, as long as they don’t go around saying it, they’ll be ok. There is unfortunately, a fine line between not caring what others think of you, and seeming conceited. As long as they keep their comments to themselves, they should be ok for the most part. That doesn’t mean they think they’re great or anything… but it does mean that they are happy enough with themselves that what others think doesn’t matter so much to them. Having said that, it also doesn’t mean they can’t get their feelings hurt by people. But it does mean that they tend to let a lot roll off. It’s been a struggle sometimes I’m sure, but for their future happiness, I think this is a very good trait. Much better than always having to worry about what others think so much that you conform to things you normally wouldn’t, or end up just being a follower. I’m actually quite proud of my girls for this trait. It’s a hard one to pull off sometimes. And it’s also hard to correlate that with the criticism that can come from others. However, not caring what people think does not mean ignoring what is said. People should never ignore criticism, but should find out what’s behind it. Ask for help with whatever you’re being criticized about. If the person doing it is truly trying to give “constructive criticism” they’ll be willing to take the time to help you. If they aren’t willing to help you, it’s likely they aren’t trying to be constructive at all, but that there is something more at play. Either way, you’ll learn something out of the exchange that can come in handy for the future.
And finally, how about this good nugget… There will always be someone better at something than you are, and you’ll always be better at something than someone else. That doesn’t mean you don’t try harder at something, but does mean you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. (I know, easier said than done sometimes). Remember that others are comparing themselves to someone too. Maybe you. The point is to just strive to be YOUR best, not THE best and you’ll end up being happy with yourself for trying and for recognizing your own personal growth.
While pondering these thoughts these last couple months, I realized that they were probably coming from a place of uncertainty about all our upcoming changes. One of my girls goes to College for the first time. They’ll be new professors, friends, coaches, directors, etc. The advice holds with all these changes… Treat others with respect, everyone deserves that even if you don’t personally respect the person or position they hold. Be friendly to everyone, not just who you are friends with. And strive to achieve your own personal best at whatever you do without letting others tear you down. If you can successfully follow those rules, you’ll be happier with yourself overall and that’s when your true light will shine through. You’ll be the better person you want to be.
So to both my girls I say, go forth and concur whatever new changes and challenges lie ahead for you. And if this and other advice I’ve given you over these wonderful years of parenting you has been harmful, I’m sorry for that. But never sorry for sharing experiences that will help you in the long run even if they seem odd now. I realize not all of it will work for each of you and you’ll find your own way in life ultimately. But always remember that no matter what, you can ALWAYS count on me to be here for you in a way that you don’t even comprehend at the moment. As the song said when you were younger “…and when the day is done my mama’s still my biggest fan” will always hold true.
One last thing to remember, there will always be a lot of people willing to judge you, but in the end, two things are for certain. What you think about yourself matters most now, and secondly, that there is only one “person” who’s judgement will ultimately matter. One “person” that knows how everyone is treating others. Only you can determine who’s judgement matters most to you? Theirs or HIS?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Why does everything have to be a controversy...
I was watching the news this morning and the big story was how so many people are up in arms about NBCs opening of the golf tournament yesterday. They are talking about boycotting NBC, NBC apologizing, etc. All because they took the words "under God" out of the opening where a part of it was kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance. My first thought was, "ok if that's what they did, and it was on purpose, some people have the right to be upset about it if they want to".
However, they then played what really happened. It wasn't that just the words "under God" were removed as they are making it seem. Yes, they were the only ones omitted in the first part, in the 2nd part "one nation, under god" was omitted. Are people upset that "One Nation" was omitted... not so much. I don't think it was a slam to God at all. I think they were trying a montage of things, the pledge being one of them and started with a few lines, ended with the last, and the middle was gone. It happens it was the same timing, but not only the "under God". Not just two words.
Why do we always dissect everything to death to the point of calling for apologies or boycotts over everything. Maybe they actually were trying to make a statement. But maybe that statement was that not everyone believes in one God or the same God and they were trying to not offend just one particular group. It is the biggest group, but it isn't the only group. Maybe they were making a statement about our countries supposed religious tolerance. After all, if you go back pre-1954, "under God" wasn't a part of the Pledge. I'm happy to say it when I saw the pledge, but not everyone does. That doesn't make them wrong any more than it makes me right.
Or maybe they weren't trying to do anything at all and it was poor editing. Maybe (as Tim would say), sometimes a smoke is just a smoke.
However, they then played what really happened. It wasn't that just the words "under God" were removed as they are making it seem. Yes, they were the only ones omitted in the first part, in the 2nd part "one nation, under god" was omitted. Are people upset that "One Nation" was omitted... not so much. I don't think it was a slam to God at all. I think they were trying a montage of things, the pledge being one of them and started with a few lines, ended with the last, and the middle was gone. It happens it was the same timing, but not only the "under God". Not just two words.
Why do we always dissect everything to death to the point of calling for apologies or boycotts over everything. Maybe they actually were trying to make a statement. But maybe that statement was that not everyone believes in one God or the same God and they were trying to not offend just one particular group. It is the biggest group, but it isn't the only group. Maybe they were making a statement about our countries supposed religious tolerance. After all, if you go back pre-1954, "under God" wasn't a part of the Pledge. I'm happy to say it when I saw the pledge, but not everyone does. That doesn't make them wrong any more than it makes me right.
Or maybe they weren't trying to do anything at all and it was poor editing. Maybe (as Tim would say), sometimes a smoke is just a smoke.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The lessons of disappointment
A few years back, I wrote on how schools in our county were thinking of doing away with Valedictorian and Salutatorian awards in our schools. I was crazy about it because the big reasoning seemed to be based on the fact that other students not up for the honor, somehow felt bad for not getting it. That seemed a very crazy reason for the change to me.
So today, my own school district announced it had approved a plan to do away with the distinction. Not surprisingly, they site reasons such as moving to new standards with tiered approach for honors of Summa cum laude, magna cum laude and cum laude so that MORE kids can achieve the honor. However, the underlying theme is, again, "often pits students against each other" while trying to attain the top 2 spots. I say that's a trumped up reason and has been for years. And here's why...
I don't mind them changing the criteria for the top rankings (AP classes should be considered higher than non-AP classes. This would stop the folks that only want to be in the top spots so they take easier classes that they know they can ace. There should be a better weighted ranking then there was in our school district. I'm all for changing those. What I'm not for is even after those changes, they should NOT take away the honor of those that hit those top two spots.
If the real reasoning is so the kids that don't make the honor don't feel bad, then maybe we should spend more time on managing expectations. I have a very clear example of that I can share.
I have a daughter that has been working for years towards and end goal with very specific timing in mind. Her timing was this year. I have done my very best to support her in her goal and even push her to do everything she can to try to achieve it. However, while supporting, I have also counseled that she may not make it. There are rules, there are very specific things that need to be done. And sometimes those things can change along the way. You just never know. If she makes this goal, I will be very proud of her as I know her dedication and hard work that has gone into it. If she doesn't make her goal, will she be disappointed? absolutely. But the true lesson in it will be how she handles that disappointment. And frankly, even if she makes her goal, how she handles that too will be of importance to me. Both of those things show character and her ability to march on.
I believe in setting goals for oneself. But in doing so, you need to also know that there could be disappointment. It comes with the territory. I'd be more concerned if someone didn't have goals just because of the disappointment they'd feel if they didn't achieve them. I have faith in my daughter that she'll be able to do what's required of her. But if she can't for some reason, she can't. And sometimes, even if you can do what's required, that doesn't automatically guarantee success either.
Take the working world for instance. How many times have you seen people apply for jobs that were already pre-determined? They need to post jobs to everyone even if they already know the outcome and know who they want for the job. I've been on both sides of that situation. I've interviewed for jobs I knew I wouldn't get because they had someone in mind for it already. I hated that. Unfortunately, I've been on the other side as well, interviewing for a job that I basically knew would already be mine if I wanted it. Which interview do you think I prepared more for? Competition is good for people. It shows strength, determination, perseverance,etc. However, how people handle disappointment shows important qualities as well.
Everyone can't always win, but everyone will lose at some point in their lives. Teaching kids that they can always be the best is dangerous. We must always support them and their goals, but there comes a time when they should be realistic as well. It's that whole American Idol syndrome we all have to suffer thru each season where the contestant says their family has always told them they were the best. Unfortunately, we get to hear the truth. I'm beginning to wonder if the bigger problem isn't that at a very young age most parents tell their kids "if you try hard you can do anything". Well, that's really not true at all. What we should (and I've always tried to do) is tell them "Do the best that you can do for yourself, don't compete against others, compete against you". And maybe even a little bit more of "not everyone will win, it's how you lose that's important".
So, I'm very disappointed in the decision in Webster today. I believe those top 2 should still get their recognition. I believe that others should learn to be happy for the winners, even if it means you aren't one of them.
So today, my own school district announced it had approved a plan to do away with the distinction. Not surprisingly, they site reasons such as moving to new standards with tiered approach for honors of Summa cum laude, magna cum laude and cum laude so that MORE kids can achieve the honor. However, the underlying theme is, again, "often pits students against each other" while trying to attain the top 2 spots. I say that's a trumped up reason and has been for years. And here's why...
I don't mind them changing the criteria for the top rankings (AP classes should be considered higher than non-AP classes. This would stop the folks that only want to be in the top spots so they take easier classes that they know they can ace. There should be a better weighted ranking then there was in our school district. I'm all for changing those. What I'm not for is even after those changes, they should NOT take away the honor of those that hit those top two spots.
If the real reasoning is so the kids that don't make the honor don't feel bad, then maybe we should spend more time on managing expectations. I have a very clear example of that I can share.
I have a daughter that has been working for years towards and end goal with very specific timing in mind. Her timing was this year. I have done my very best to support her in her goal and even push her to do everything she can to try to achieve it. However, while supporting, I have also counseled that she may not make it. There are rules, there are very specific things that need to be done. And sometimes those things can change along the way. You just never know. If she makes this goal, I will be very proud of her as I know her dedication and hard work that has gone into it. If she doesn't make her goal, will she be disappointed? absolutely. But the true lesson in it will be how she handles that disappointment. And frankly, even if she makes her goal, how she handles that too will be of importance to me. Both of those things show character and her ability to march on.
I believe in setting goals for oneself. But in doing so, you need to also know that there could be disappointment. It comes with the territory. I'd be more concerned if someone didn't have goals just because of the disappointment they'd feel if they didn't achieve them. I have faith in my daughter that she'll be able to do what's required of her. But if she can't for some reason, she can't. And sometimes, even if you can do what's required, that doesn't automatically guarantee success either.
Take the working world for instance. How many times have you seen people apply for jobs that were already pre-determined? They need to post jobs to everyone even if they already know the outcome and know who they want for the job. I've been on both sides of that situation. I've interviewed for jobs I knew I wouldn't get because they had someone in mind for it already. I hated that. Unfortunately, I've been on the other side as well, interviewing for a job that I basically knew would already be mine if I wanted it. Which interview do you think I prepared more for? Competition is good for people. It shows strength, determination, perseverance,etc. However, how people handle disappointment shows important qualities as well.
Everyone can't always win, but everyone will lose at some point in their lives. Teaching kids that they can always be the best is dangerous. We must always support them and their goals, but there comes a time when they should be realistic as well. It's that whole American Idol syndrome we all have to suffer thru each season where the contestant says their family has always told them they were the best. Unfortunately, we get to hear the truth. I'm beginning to wonder if the bigger problem isn't that at a very young age most parents tell their kids "if you try hard you can do anything". Well, that's really not true at all. What we should (and I've always tried to do) is tell them "Do the best that you can do for yourself, don't compete against others, compete against you". And maybe even a little bit more of "not everyone will win, it's how you lose that's important".
So, I'm very disappointed in the decision in Webster today. I believe those top 2 should still get their recognition. I believe that others should learn to be happy for the winners, even if it means you aren't one of them.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My first sports blog...
I’m going to start off with a bit of background to cement my reasons for writing, then I’ll get to it, I promise.
As some of you know from my updates, I’m a HUGE Celtics fan (and basketball in general really). I enjoy a good game no matter who is playing (with maybe the exception of 2 teams). But I’ll always be true to my Green machine. My love of the game and the Celtics in particular started so long ago, I almost don’t remember NOT being a fan. I watched all through the Larry Bird era with my Dad, and waited 22 years for another title (a very long wait). When they won again 2 years ago, I knew then it wasn’t the start of a long run like it was in the 80s, as the guys that won on that team were already a bit older and a bit more injury prone. Last year, they went to the finals again, but lost in the last 1 ½ minutes of game 7 to the Lakers. That was a great series. Again, this year, they started off well, but traded 5 players on trade deadline day, and between getting a bunch of new guys that haven’t played together long, and with numerous injuries, we all know they are not faring well in their current series against Miami Heat (down 3-1 going into tonight). So, tonight is being played in Miami (and well, if you’ve watched any b-ball at all this year, we all know how that will go even if my guys play perfectly. There are definitely “things” playing in Miami that never go on anyone other than Miami’s side. I’ll leave that for my own thoughts. I can’t do anything about that. It is what it is.
However, there are some things happening in basketball recently that I think someone should do something about. Don’t get me wrong, I really love a physical game. I’m also of the opinion that it should be allowed to get even a bit more physical during the playoffs. The whole level of intensity changes from the last game of regular season, to the first game of the playoffs. I’m not sure what makes that particular switch go off in the players heads, but it does. It has to or you don’t last past the first round in the playoffs. There’s enough talent on many teams to go far, but without the mental toughness, talent won’t take you to the end. But the level of play, and the inability of the officials to call a game equitably, has me concerned. It’s as if we are going back to the Bill Laibeer Detroit Piston days. It was 1987 when Celtics/Pistons were playing for the Eastern Conference Championship. That entire series was very physical and hard fouls were let go with no calls. The Pistons just kept getting more and more cocky that they could get away with anything. And it seemed to the fans, that was true. Game 3 Laimbeer takes out Bird. By game 5 Laimbeer was so out of control that the normally calm Robert Parish just punched him in the face. Yes, Robert was ejected and rightfully so. But also, rightfully so, he was cheered on for it. Some claimed it was their greatest moment as a fan. The team could only take so much and punches were going to be thrown if someone didn’t stop the insanity that was happening on the court. It’s noteworthy to say that that game was also the one you hear a lot on NBA commercials with an overly excited announcer stating “Larry stole the ball”. The other great moment of that game (2 seconds left , Larry Bird steals the Pistons Isaiah Thomas inbound pass, throws to Dennis Johnson who scores and wins the game sending series 3-2 Celtics). I may have just lost my voice in that one, can’t remember. But I digress.
It seems that type of play is starting to happen all over again. It’s always been physical, and I stated above that I like physical, but the take outs just for the sake of them are not what the game should be about. It wasn’t all those years ago (and yes my Celtics made some bad plays too), and it shouldn’t be played that way now either. There is much talk on ESPN, sports blogs and the podcasts I’ve been listening to about the Rajon Rondo take down by Dwayne Wade in game 3 of our current series. It wasn’t an accident, but no, I don’t believe he wanted to injure Rondo quite as badly as he did. However heroic a return Rondo made with a dislocated left elbow and came back into the game with a lead arm hanging at his side, he isn’t up to his normal play. Is that helping the Miami Heat… sure it is. But it’s not the factor in the loss in game 4. The C’s are older, and tired and are playing a talented and much younger group of guys. However, the inequality of the calls is astounding. LeBron James can take someone out and then be seen laughing about it while the camera is on him. They can just come from behind and wrap up our guys in a bear hug or toss them to the ground and it’s normal ball. That’s the part that needs to be dealt with. And I don’t just mean it because of the examples against my team. I’ve been watching all the playoffs and it seems like this type of play is the norm now. The officials occasionally call foul on it, or worse yet “the double technical”, but it isn’t enough. The NBA and David Stern need to get this back to a game of basic good playing basketball without all the theatrics. When all the other crap goes on, it lessens the sport. These teams should be proud to be where they are because of GOOD playing, not because they can take someone out and only get a foul called on them for doing so. There needs to be more consequences for intentional take downs.
I realize this is a business, and it’s obvious from how the league handles the Miami Heat ever since LeBrons “decision”, that it’s really only about money for the owners and even the Commissioner himself. But let’s put some pride back in to the sport for the real basketball lovers like myself. The players should have enough pride that even when they are loosing, they don’t resort to the kind of stuff the Lakers did in their 4th game of being swept out of their series this week. I’m not a Laker fan (ok, I’m not a Kobe fan), but when two different guys get ejected from a game within a minute of each other at the end of it, is that how you really want to go out as a “team”. I know it’s hard to lose, and my guys may do it this week too (maybe even tonight), but I’d hope that if/when they do, they go out with the Celtic Pride they should be showing, and not go out being remembered as just taking people out because their mad.. I’d be very disappointed in them if they handled themselves that way. It could happen, but if it does, I’ll be the first to denounce it, just as I was with the Lakers performance in game 4.
So officials, start really officiating these games fairly. What goes for one team MUST go for another. And David Stern, stop caring so much about the money Miami is bringing to the league and do something about the other issues. It’s great to fine people for using bad language against the refs as you’ve done this season, but how about fining some refs for not having better consistency in games and allowing some of the really blatent hits to occur. If they let the teams get away with it, it’ll only get worse. If we don’t want to see a player get pushed as far as Robert Parish did in ’87, make sure there isn’t a need. These ball players are, after all, human. If they keep getting away with something, they’ll keep pushing to see how far they can go. I want good basketball, and part of that means good officiating. That is NOT happening in any of the series this year.
Having said all of this, it doesn’t look too good for my team given they need to win the next 3 games, two of them being played in Miami. If they win, I’ll be thrilled. If they lose, I’ll be disappointed. However, I’ll be even more disappointed if it’s a blood bath by either team. Play the game with talent and with your heads in the right place. You don’t need to hurt anyone to win a game, or a least you shouldn’t.
And fans, a note for you too… I know everyone has heard that good sportsmanship is about losing graciously. It’s also about wining graciously. I think that’s something lost on a lot of people these days. It isn’t necessary to be disrespectful to a losing team. I posted on Mother’s day about my good day and how we were watching the Lakers get swept from their series. That was a matter of fact statement, not a gloat. Sure I’m happy they won’t be in the Finals… time for someone else to have a chance (maybe Oklahoma, Dallas) But, I would have liked to see them go out on a better note after all the years they had as a respected franchise. The pressure took them down a road I didn’t want to see them go down, and it was disappointing. Respect for any team playing should be observed. If either of the two teams I don’t like end up in the Finals, I’d be happy for them. I probably won’t watch, but I’d be happy they achieved something they wanted so badly… or at least I will if I feel it’s a fair win.
As some of you know from my updates, I’m a HUGE Celtics fan (and basketball in general really). I enjoy a good game no matter who is playing (with maybe the exception of 2 teams). But I’ll always be true to my Green machine. My love of the game and the Celtics in particular started so long ago, I almost don’t remember NOT being a fan. I watched all through the Larry Bird era with my Dad, and waited 22 years for another title (a very long wait). When they won again 2 years ago, I knew then it wasn’t the start of a long run like it was in the 80s, as the guys that won on that team were already a bit older and a bit more injury prone. Last year, they went to the finals again, but lost in the last 1 ½ minutes of game 7 to the Lakers. That was a great series. Again, this year, they started off well, but traded 5 players on trade deadline day, and between getting a bunch of new guys that haven’t played together long, and with numerous injuries, we all know they are not faring well in their current series against Miami Heat (down 3-1 going into tonight). So, tonight is being played in Miami (and well, if you’ve watched any b-ball at all this year, we all know how that will go even if my guys play perfectly. There are definitely “things” playing in Miami that never go on anyone other than Miami’s side. I’ll leave that for my own thoughts. I can’t do anything about that. It is what it is.
However, there are some things happening in basketball recently that I think someone should do something about. Don’t get me wrong, I really love a physical game. I’m also of the opinion that it should be allowed to get even a bit more physical during the playoffs. The whole level of intensity changes from the last game of regular season, to the first game of the playoffs. I’m not sure what makes that particular switch go off in the players heads, but it does. It has to or you don’t last past the first round in the playoffs. There’s enough talent on many teams to go far, but without the mental toughness, talent won’t take you to the end. But the level of play, and the inability of the officials to call a game equitably, has me concerned. It’s as if we are going back to the Bill Laibeer Detroit Piston days. It was 1987 when Celtics/Pistons were playing for the Eastern Conference Championship. That entire series was very physical and hard fouls were let go with no calls. The Pistons just kept getting more and more cocky that they could get away with anything. And it seemed to the fans, that was true. Game 3 Laimbeer takes out Bird. By game 5 Laimbeer was so out of control that the normally calm Robert Parish just punched him in the face. Yes, Robert was ejected and rightfully so. But also, rightfully so, he was cheered on for it. Some claimed it was their greatest moment as a fan. The team could only take so much and punches were going to be thrown if someone didn’t stop the insanity that was happening on the court. It’s noteworthy to say that that game was also the one you hear a lot on NBA commercials with an overly excited announcer stating “Larry stole the ball”. The other great moment of that game (2 seconds left , Larry Bird steals the Pistons Isaiah Thomas inbound pass, throws to Dennis Johnson who scores and wins the game sending series 3-2 Celtics). I may have just lost my voice in that one, can’t remember. But I digress.
It seems that type of play is starting to happen all over again. It’s always been physical, and I stated above that I like physical, but the take outs just for the sake of them are not what the game should be about. It wasn’t all those years ago (and yes my Celtics made some bad plays too), and it shouldn’t be played that way now either. There is much talk on ESPN, sports blogs and the podcasts I’ve been listening to about the Rajon Rondo take down by Dwayne Wade in game 3 of our current series. It wasn’t an accident, but no, I don’t believe he wanted to injure Rondo quite as badly as he did. However heroic a return Rondo made with a dislocated left elbow and came back into the game with a lead arm hanging at his side, he isn’t up to his normal play. Is that helping the Miami Heat… sure it is. But it’s not the factor in the loss in game 4. The C’s are older, and tired and are playing a talented and much younger group of guys. However, the inequality of the calls is astounding. LeBron James can take someone out and then be seen laughing about it while the camera is on him. They can just come from behind and wrap up our guys in a bear hug or toss them to the ground and it’s normal ball. That’s the part that needs to be dealt with. And I don’t just mean it because of the examples against my team. I’ve been watching all the playoffs and it seems like this type of play is the norm now. The officials occasionally call foul on it, or worse yet “the double technical”, but it isn’t enough. The NBA and David Stern need to get this back to a game of basic good playing basketball without all the theatrics. When all the other crap goes on, it lessens the sport. These teams should be proud to be where they are because of GOOD playing, not because they can take someone out and only get a foul called on them for doing so. There needs to be more consequences for intentional take downs.
I realize this is a business, and it’s obvious from how the league handles the Miami Heat ever since LeBrons “decision”, that it’s really only about money for the owners and even the Commissioner himself. But let’s put some pride back in to the sport for the real basketball lovers like myself. The players should have enough pride that even when they are loosing, they don’t resort to the kind of stuff the Lakers did in their 4th game of being swept out of their series this week. I’m not a Laker fan (ok, I’m not a Kobe fan), but when two different guys get ejected from a game within a minute of each other at the end of it, is that how you really want to go out as a “team”. I know it’s hard to lose, and my guys may do it this week too (maybe even tonight), but I’d hope that if/when they do, they go out with the Celtic Pride they should be showing, and not go out being remembered as just taking people out because their mad.. I’d be very disappointed in them if they handled themselves that way. It could happen, but if it does, I’ll be the first to denounce it, just as I was with the Lakers performance in game 4.
So officials, start really officiating these games fairly. What goes for one team MUST go for another. And David Stern, stop caring so much about the money Miami is bringing to the league and do something about the other issues. It’s great to fine people for using bad language against the refs as you’ve done this season, but how about fining some refs for not having better consistency in games and allowing some of the really blatent hits to occur. If they let the teams get away with it, it’ll only get worse. If we don’t want to see a player get pushed as far as Robert Parish did in ’87, make sure there isn’t a need. These ball players are, after all, human. If they keep getting away with something, they’ll keep pushing to see how far they can go. I want good basketball, and part of that means good officiating. That is NOT happening in any of the series this year.
Having said all of this, it doesn’t look too good for my team given they need to win the next 3 games, two of them being played in Miami. If they win, I’ll be thrilled. If they lose, I’ll be disappointed. However, I’ll be even more disappointed if it’s a blood bath by either team. Play the game with talent and with your heads in the right place. You don’t need to hurt anyone to win a game, or a least you shouldn’t.
And fans, a note for you too… I know everyone has heard that good sportsmanship is about losing graciously. It’s also about wining graciously. I think that’s something lost on a lot of people these days. It isn’t necessary to be disrespectful to a losing team. I posted on Mother’s day about my good day and how we were watching the Lakers get swept from their series. That was a matter of fact statement, not a gloat. Sure I’m happy they won’t be in the Finals… time for someone else to have a chance (maybe Oklahoma, Dallas) But, I would have liked to see them go out on a better note after all the years they had as a respected franchise. The pressure took them down a road I didn’t want to see them go down, and it was disappointing. Respect for any team playing should be observed. If either of the two teams I don’t like end up in the Finals, I’d be happy for them. I probably won’t watch, but I’d be happy they achieved something they wanted so badly… or at least I will if I feel it’s a fair win.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Social Security "Fix"
For a long time now we’ve been hearing how the GOP would like to “fix” social security. Their idea of “fix” of course is to do away with by the time my generation would begin to collect this money that we’ve paid into for so long now. Oh, they aren't coming right out and saying that, but reading between the lines, which is not hard to do, means exactly that. From G.W. privatization plan, to last nights Ryan saying (while talking about budget cuts) “If we act soon, and if we act responsibly, people in and near retirement will be protected." What that means is that there will be NO changes to Social Security for those that in the very near future will hit that magical age, or those that are already collecting. No wonder so many older people are ok with this. It won’t effect them. However, what about all the screaming some of those older folks are doing about what we are leaving their kids and grandkids. Those “kids” are us… my generation. People like me that have paid into this system since I started working at 17 and without interruption, and paid my SS monies. What will the actual idea for us be in this arena? Will they be back to putting our money into private accounts where we could invest it? Because if that’s their idea, we can already see how well that will work. Those that are already investing had a real great time in the last two years when we lost much of our investments. If that is their plan, do they plan to back that money by the federal gov’t should we go belly up based on the their policies that will get us into a mess all over again? I somehow doubt that because that would be a “safety net” and we all know how they feel about having those.
So, here’s my idea. If they are so bent on making sure my generation does not collect the Social Security that I’ve paid into for more than half my life, then how about a one time buy out. Give me every bit of money I’ve put in over my life time and let me do what I want with it. And oh, by the way, I want it TAX FREE since they are so big on low taxes. They should no longer be able to benefit from the money I’ve been investing in this program all these years, if they don’t want to allow me to benefit from it later as was meant to be. Of course, I’d still have to invest it on my own and could still stand to lose much of it when they ignore things that are collapsing again… but I suppose at that point, at least it’ll be my problem for not watching out for it better than they think they can. However, when the majority of folks that know nothing about investing lose everything, I’m sure they’ll feel bad about them not being able to feed themselves , house themselves, cloth themselves, etc, right? Or, maybe that’s their new way of weeding out people later in life. Their own version of the “death panels” they so like to talk about.
Can’t wait to see how they try playing all of this out. Will make for great entertainment. I can’t wait even more to see how many people buy into the explanations from them. Just give me my money (and yes, it is mine… I earned it, they took it and it appears they don’t want me to get it back later). Give it to me and let me just get on with my life so I don’t have to listen to the crap any more.
So, here’s my idea. If they are so bent on making sure my generation does not collect the Social Security that I’ve paid into for more than half my life, then how about a one time buy out. Give me every bit of money I’ve put in over my life time and let me do what I want with it. And oh, by the way, I want it TAX FREE since they are so big on low taxes. They should no longer be able to benefit from the money I’ve been investing in this program all these years, if they don’t want to allow me to benefit from it later as was meant to be. Of course, I’d still have to invest it on my own and could still stand to lose much of it when they ignore things that are collapsing again… but I suppose at that point, at least it’ll be my problem for not watching out for it better than they think they can. However, when the majority of folks that know nothing about investing lose everything, I’m sure they’ll feel bad about them not being able to feed themselves , house themselves, cloth themselves, etc, right? Or, maybe that’s their new way of weeding out people later in life. Their own version of the “death panels” they so like to talk about.
Can’t wait to see how they try playing all of this out. Will make for great entertainment. I can’t wait even more to see how many people buy into the explanations from them. Just give me my money (and yes, it is mine… I earned it, they took it and it appears they don’t want me to get it back later). Give it to me and let me just get on with my life so I don’t have to listen to the crap any more.
Monday, November 22, 2010
"Dear Mr. President" FB rants
I've seen the following on people's FB page lately...
Dear Mr. President I hear you would like to freeze pay rates for military starting next year. Would you also consider cutting your own pay to save much more money for our country? While you're at it, lets cut down congressman's pay too. If the people who risk their lives don't get an increase in pay, why would we continue raising pay for those who take no risks and reap the benefits? Keep it going if you agree.
Of course, in my opinion, this is just another thing getting attached directly to the President as if it's his wish that this happen. If it sounds negative, let's blame him. This really needs to stop. This is a DRAFT of an idea of the commission that he put together to determine how we MIGHT cut the deficit. This isn't the President's idea. But if you look at people's FB, it's yet another thing he is getting wrong.
The commission will put out their final report, it will need to get by congress before he could even sign off on it. That would be unlikely in our current environment. And... this pay cut is not across the board in military people either. No one risking their lives in combat would fall under this freeze, for instance. So people, let's just relax and start attributing ideas where they really should be. How about instead of just reposting things that are seen on other's walls, you actually research them first. You could start by reading this. And maybe, we could all remember how things get past in our government. The President doesn't just think of these things and they become law. It doesn't work that way.
To be clear, I'm not stating at all that I'm for pay cuts for those defending our country. I'm not in favor of anything that takes our strength away from those folks for something real not made up by politicians to sound bad. In fact, DADT if not repealed, will continue to weaken us as well as we stand to loose tens of thousands of good folks that are willing to serve and defend our country, simply because they have a different life style than someone deems fit for military service. That's a shame. However, I am advocating that people really think before they post and attribute things to a specific individual (The President) just because it furthers their negative campaign against him. If all that BS stops, we might start getting something done for a change.
Dear Mr. President I hear you would like to freeze pay rates for military starting next year. Would you also consider cutting your own pay to save much more money for our country? While you're at it, lets cut down congressman's pay too. If the people who risk their lives don't get an increase in pay, why would we continue raising pay for those who take no risks and reap the benefits? Keep it going if you agree.
Of course, in my opinion, this is just another thing getting attached directly to the President as if it's his wish that this happen. If it sounds negative, let's blame him. This really needs to stop. This is a DRAFT of an idea of the commission that he put together to determine how we MIGHT cut the deficit. This isn't the President's idea. But if you look at people's FB, it's yet another thing he is getting wrong.
The commission will put out their final report, it will need to get by congress before he could even sign off on it. That would be unlikely in our current environment. And... this pay cut is not across the board in military people either. No one risking their lives in combat would fall under this freeze, for instance. So people, let's just relax and start attributing ideas where they really should be. How about instead of just reposting things that are seen on other's walls, you actually research them first. You could start by reading this. And maybe, we could all remember how things get past in our government. The President doesn't just think of these things and they become law. It doesn't work that way.
To be clear, I'm not stating at all that I'm for pay cuts for those defending our country. I'm not in favor of anything that takes our strength away from those folks for something real not made up by politicians to sound bad. In fact, DADT if not repealed, will continue to weaken us as well as we stand to loose tens of thousands of good folks that are willing to serve and defend our country, simply because they have a different life style than someone deems fit for military service. That's a shame. However, I am advocating that people really think before they post and attribute things to a specific individual (The President) just because it furthers their negative campaign against him. If all that BS stops, we might start getting something done for a change.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Praying for Atheists
I was reading my news feeds this morning and came across this article. It is about the well know atheist, Christopher Hitchens, who has been diagnosed with Cancer. He is in his 4th round of Chemo and to his admittance, "he is dying... just faster than the rest of us". There is a group of people that have planned a "Everybody Pray for Hitchens Day." He will not be attending.
Reading this article, brings about some interesting questions. He declares that there are many people that are praying for him and that he puts them into three different categories,
those who seem genuinely glad he's suffering and dying from cancer; those who want him to become a believer in their religious faith; and those who are asking God to heal him. It's these categories that got me to thinking.
If you fall in the "glad he's suffering and dying from cancer" then that's just really sad. My guess is that he believes there are Christians in that category that believe he's getting what he deserves based on his strong Atheistic views. If that's the case, than shame on those people. They really aren't Christians after all. It would be those Christians that should pray the most for his recovery, if for no other reason than then they could say "see, God does exist and healed you".
These would would be the folks that I would see in category two "those who want him to become a believer". What better way to try to convert him than having a special day set aside to do nothing but pray for his heath. If he gets better, than maybe he'll see the light and believe all those prayers were answered. Or would he? That is the question I'm pondering. Would an atheist such as himself ever be able to believe that God answered those prayers or would it be all a coincidence. Knowing you had so many people praying for you to recover, and you do when all odds are against it... would that open your heart to believing? And, would God really answer those prayers for the sole purpose of hoping for that conversion, or would God really let him suffer based on his previous actions? All good questions that can generate a lot of conversation, but possibly not any useful answers from people. You'd never know what could have been done with a conversion, until a person is healed and then actually willing to consider something other than coincidence. It would be that category three "praying for healing" that would have to have some good consideration were that to happen for him.
One interesting comment in the article, was " It's that third group _ people who are asking God for Hitchens' healing _ that causes Hitchens to choose his words even more carefully than normal. Are those prayers OK? Are they helpful? "I say it's fine by me, I think of it as a nice gesture. And it may well make them feel better, which is a good thing in itself," says Hitchens.
That response is something I'm familiar with in my own life having a man in my life who is an atheist. When Tim went through his brain tumor surgery three years ago, we knew at the time it wasn't life threatening (meaning it wasn't cancerous). But Tim received many many prayers for him to come through it all safely, prayers for myself and his family, etc. And, he was very appreciative of those prayers. It touched him that people would take the time to pray for him, even though it isn't something he believes in or would do himself. He knows that prayers mean something to others and is an important part of their lives and he is very respectful of that. He believes that in that context, it is good for everyone. For those praying for him that they feel like they are doing something for him, and for himself, it was touching that they cared enough about him to pray for him. I am not at all comparing him to Hitchens in any way other than that they are self proclaimed atheists. Trust me, Tim is way more respectful than I've ever found Hitchens to be about other peoples belief systems. I'm just saying that maybe there are those out there that are lumping all Atheists into the same broad brush as they are currently trying to lump all Muslims. Atheists come in all levels of their dis-belief system the same way believers come in all levels. Some are very very extreme on both sides. Others are very very respectful. It's all in how you go about it.
So, as the Christian that I am and hope to show to others, I would most definitely pray for Christopher Hitchens. Not to prove a point to him that God will answer my prayers and certainly not to pray for him to die. I will pray for him because it's not only the Christian thing to do to pray for those suffering, but it's the right thing to do as a human being for someone who is suffering. After all, if you don't like him, at least think of what his family and his children are going through with the thought of losing their husband, son, sibling, father. It's very simply, the right thing to do.
Reading this article, brings about some interesting questions. He declares that there are many people that are praying for him and that he puts them into three different categories,
those who seem genuinely glad he's suffering and dying from cancer; those who want him to become a believer in their religious faith; and those who are asking God to heal him. It's these categories that got me to thinking.
If you fall in the "glad he's suffering and dying from cancer" then that's just really sad. My guess is that he believes there are Christians in that category that believe he's getting what he deserves based on his strong Atheistic views. If that's the case, than shame on those people. They really aren't Christians after all. It would be those Christians that should pray the most for his recovery, if for no other reason than then they could say "see, God does exist and healed you".
These would would be the folks that I would see in category two "those who want him to become a believer". What better way to try to convert him than having a special day set aside to do nothing but pray for his heath. If he gets better, than maybe he'll see the light and believe all those prayers were answered. Or would he? That is the question I'm pondering. Would an atheist such as himself ever be able to believe that God answered those prayers or would it be all a coincidence. Knowing you had so many people praying for you to recover, and you do when all odds are against it... would that open your heart to believing? And, would God really answer those prayers for the sole purpose of hoping for that conversion, or would God really let him suffer based on his previous actions? All good questions that can generate a lot of conversation, but possibly not any useful answers from people. You'd never know what could have been done with a conversion, until a person is healed and then actually willing to consider something other than coincidence. It would be that category three "praying for healing" that would have to have some good consideration were that to happen for him.
One interesting comment in the article, was " It's that third group _ people who are asking God for Hitchens' healing _ that causes Hitchens to choose his words even more carefully than normal. Are those prayers OK? Are they helpful? "I say it's fine by me, I think of it as a nice gesture. And it may well make them feel better, which is a good thing in itself," says Hitchens.
That response is something I'm familiar with in my own life having a man in my life who is an atheist. When Tim went through his brain tumor surgery three years ago, we knew at the time it wasn't life threatening (meaning it wasn't cancerous). But Tim received many many prayers for him to come through it all safely, prayers for myself and his family, etc. And, he was very appreciative of those prayers. It touched him that people would take the time to pray for him, even though it isn't something he believes in or would do himself. He knows that prayers mean something to others and is an important part of their lives and he is very respectful of that. He believes that in that context, it is good for everyone. For those praying for him that they feel like they are doing something for him, and for himself, it was touching that they cared enough about him to pray for him. I am not at all comparing him to Hitchens in any way other than that they are self proclaimed atheists. Trust me, Tim is way more respectful than I've ever found Hitchens to be about other peoples belief systems. I'm just saying that maybe there are those out there that are lumping all Atheists into the same broad brush as they are currently trying to lump all Muslims. Atheists come in all levels of their dis-belief system the same way believers come in all levels. Some are very very extreme on both sides. Others are very very respectful. It's all in how you go about it.
So, as the Christian that I am and hope to show to others, I would most definitely pray for Christopher Hitchens. Not to prove a point to him that God will answer my prayers and certainly not to pray for him to die. I will pray for him because it's not only the Christian thing to do to pray for those suffering, but it's the right thing to do as a human being for someone who is suffering. After all, if you don't like him, at least think of what his family and his children are going through with the thought of losing their husband, son, sibling, father. It's very simply, the right thing to do.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Longing for the old, but ringing in the new
I'm not entirely sure what's going on in my head today. Maybe I'm just missing my girls as they are on vacation with their father and completely out of pocket. Being this out of touch is something I'm not used to, especially with my youngest. She's always in touch... mostly because she's forgotten something she needs me to do or bring to her when she's not with me, or asking if she can make plans for when she is here, but it makes me feel like she just misses me somehow :) But today, I'm feeling a bit torn in my thoughts.
I'm feeling a bit nostalgic for the old days. The days when they were little and wanted to be doing more family stuff. The days where I watched Jennifer do "gymnastics" on the log at her dad's families cottage where she jumped 6 inches off the log and did the "arms in air" pose of the Olympians when they were done with their routine while she shouted "ta da". Or when she and I would sing her favorite Disney movie songs... I would sing the beginning of each sentence and leave out the last word and she'd fill it in. We did that for years. I'm remembering the days where my Lauren had "her dance" that was the cutest thing ever (don't know how she got so low to the ground). When she cheered at 7 years old after much "discussion" to be able to be on the team. Her Dad didn't really want her to do it as the games were on Sunday mornings and she'd miss church. I assured him that if she was that close to God, she'd still be if she missed some Sundays during football season (and God likely would love that she was using the talents he gave her). After that first "win" in a big competition, she threw her arms around me and thanked me for fighting for her to be able to cheer. I saw that "hooked" look at that very moment. Who knew then I'd still be at every game and competition 7 years later.
You see, I just can't imagine having missed any of those little moments. For some reason today, they are just coming back to me in floods and with tears in my eyes even as I type this. You can never re-create moments like that. You can just cherish them enough that they live on in your memory forever (and I don't doubt that they will). Just thinking about some of those things can bring me right back to the thoughts and feelings I had when they were going on the first time. I can hear the sweet little voices like it was yesterday. There are times I wish it was. However, missing those times does not mean for a minute that I don't like the current state.
Yeah, they don't tend to do as much "family" stuff as friends are their life now. And I'm the kind of Mom that really is ok with that. As the kids age, it really does make you realize that it's not the quantity of time you get to spend with them, it really is the quality. We may not do the same kinds of things we did before, but just being around them and observing the lovely ladies they are turning out to be, is amazing in it's own right. I've spent the last year watching Jen go through the good and bad parts of college searching, learning to drive, having great fun with her friends and I realize that this is the last year I'll see all of that. After this year (her senior year), she'll go through most things while away at college. Sure, cell phones and Facebook make it much easier to stay connected, but the simple observations will start to be lost to me. The notion of watching her interact with her friends and determining her personality based on that, will not be an every day task as it is now. Lauren is going into high school, which begins a new phase of sorts for her as well. There is still much time to have her determine the woman she'll be by the time she goes away to college, and much room to grow in other areas. I know that I'll love the new phases of their lives as much as I've loved the past phases. It'll just get harder to see the steps involved along the way in their journey.
In remembering all the little things today, and dreaming of their futures, one thing remains... it has been SO great to be their mother. I wouldn't trade one single part of it for anything in the world. They have made me happy, sad, frustrated at times, exhausted, frightened and every other emotion you could think of. But always, they've made me proud. Here's looking forward to what's in store for their futures. Now... if only I could figure out why all of this is in my head today. Oh well, going down memory lane about my girls is never a bad thing. I'll just enjoy the ride...
I'm feeling a bit nostalgic for the old days. The days when they were little and wanted to be doing more family stuff. The days where I watched Jennifer do "gymnastics" on the log at her dad's families cottage where she jumped 6 inches off the log and did the "arms in air" pose of the Olympians when they were done with their routine while she shouted "ta da". Or when she and I would sing her favorite Disney movie songs... I would sing the beginning of each sentence and leave out the last word and she'd fill it in. We did that for years. I'm remembering the days where my Lauren had "her dance" that was the cutest thing ever (don't know how she got so low to the ground). When she cheered at 7 years old after much "discussion" to be able to be on the team. Her Dad didn't really want her to do it as the games were on Sunday mornings and she'd miss church. I assured him that if she was that close to God, she'd still be if she missed some Sundays during football season (and God likely would love that she was using the talents he gave her). After that first "win" in a big competition, she threw her arms around me and thanked me for fighting for her to be able to cheer. I saw that "hooked" look at that very moment. Who knew then I'd still be at every game and competition 7 years later.
You see, I just can't imagine having missed any of those little moments. For some reason today, they are just coming back to me in floods and with tears in my eyes even as I type this. You can never re-create moments like that. You can just cherish them enough that they live on in your memory forever (and I don't doubt that they will). Just thinking about some of those things can bring me right back to the thoughts and feelings I had when they were going on the first time. I can hear the sweet little voices like it was yesterday. There are times I wish it was. However, missing those times does not mean for a minute that I don't like the current state.
Yeah, they don't tend to do as much "family" stuff as friends are their life now. And I'm the kind of Mom that really is ok with that. As the kids age, it really does make you realize that it's not the quantity of time you get to spend with them, it really is the quality. We may not do the same kinds of things we did before, but just being around them and observing the lovely ladies they are turning out to be, is amazing in it's own right. I've spent the last year watching Jen go through the good and bad parts of college searching, learning to drive, having great fun with her friends and I realize that this is the last year I'll see all of that. After this year (her senior year), she'll go through most things while away at college. Sure, cell phones and Facebook make it much easier to stay connected, but the simple observations will start to be lost to me. The notion of watching her interact with her friends and determining her personality based on that, will not be an every day task as it is now. Lauren is going into high school, which begins a new phase of sorts for her as well. There is still much time to have her determine the woman she'll be by the time she goes away to college, and much room to grow in other areas. I know that I'll love the new phases of their lives as much as I've loved the past phases. It'll just get harder to see the steps involved along the way in their journey.
In remembering all the little things today, and dreaming of their futures, one thing remains... it has been SO great to be their mother. I wouldn't trade one single part of it for anything in the world. They have made me happy, sad, frustrated at times, exhausted, frightened and every other emotion you could think of. But always, they've made me proud. Here's looking forward to what's in store for their futures. Now... if only I could figure out why all of this is in my head today. Oh well, going down memory lane about my girls is never a bad thing. I'll just enjoy the ride...
Monday, August 2, 2010
Spam mail go away
Ok, I get why spam mail exists, even though I don't like it. I mean, there are those people that open all of it and ultimately buy stuff from it. I do NOT happen to be one of them. I try my best to keep up with marking spam mail as junk so that I don't have to see it. But lately, I just can't seem to keep up with it all. More importantly is how my spam mail has changed in the last few weeks. I mean, really, is someone playing games with me??? I've about had my fill of eHarmony, match.com, etc coming into my in-box. Someone obviously doesn't know me very well or they'd know that I'd NEVER go on one of those sites as I'm COMPLETELY happy with my current relationship status. And WHY would you ever go on one of those sites if you were in a happy and committed relationship??? Unless of course you have other issues and are just trying to make people think you are happy but are secretly prowling around... in which case that is a very different issue all together... but I digress.
And, just in case I'm not happy and want to be on these dating sites... which I don't... my spam mail can make me feel badly that I'm now reaching my more middle-aged years (as if I didn't know that already). I'm getting AARP mail much more than I'd like to think I deserve (I say as I'm having a day that is more pain free than some of mine recently have been). I'm sensing some sort of pattern in my in box lately which I'm not too thrilled about... I'm OLD (AARP) and therefore should be unhappy with my current relationship and looking for another one (dating sites).
Trust me... I didn't sign up for any of these emails. I'm feeling pretty young (at least today I am) and I'm very happily committed to Tim EVERY DAY. So... SPAM MAIL... LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY :( Geez...
And, just in case I'm not happy and want to be on these dating sites... which I don't... my spam mail can make me feel badly that I'm now reaching my more middle-aged years (as if I didn't know that already). I'm getting AARP mail much more than I'd like to think I deserve (I say as I'm having a day that is more pain free than some of mine recently have been). I'm sensing some sort of pattern in my in box lately which I'm not too thrilled about... I'm OLD (AARP) and therefore should be unhappy with my current relationship and looking for another one (dating sites).
Trust me... I didn't sign up for any of these emails. I'm feeling pretty young (at least today I am) and I'm very happily committed to Tim EVERY DAY. So... SPAM MAIL... LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY :( Geez...
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
How I put things into perspective...
I don't usually write things about myself and especially about any medical things I might have going on. However, in the past month, I've been suffering a bit with a hand (or more accurately thumb) injury. Luckily this has been with my left hand, and I'm right handed so I was pretty sure it wouldn't be any big issue. I quickly realized how much one actually uses their non-dominant hand and especially how important the thumb actually is. Previously, I never thought much about how I open jars, how I hold things or even how I get dressed until their is searing pain when trying to do these simple tasks. And forget about that barbell class I love so much at Golds Gym. Not happening for a while. Long story short is I had 2 cortisone shots today in two different tendons and found out a have a small bone spur where my thumb connects into its socket. Even with all the numbing spray they put on me prior to the shots, they were quite uncomfortable. The good news is immediately I could move my thumb without pain. Ok, so they told me not to get to used to that as it was only because I couldn't actually FEEL my hand and once that wore off, I'd have feeling I didn't want. Boy were they right. It's pretty sore right now from the shots. I'll be patient waiting for the effects of it to kick in and hopefully, this will be a cure, not just a starting point. One can be hopeful.
Having told my story, I've been spending some time tonight thinking about how the last month has been kind of strange with compensating for the injury and the pain itself, but in doing that thinking, I realized that the reason I don't talk much about any injuries of my own, is that as soon as I start thinking about it, I can always find someone else to turn my attention too, and that's what happened tonight as well.
Tonight, I was reminded (maybe brought on by a FB post of Tim's a couple days ago), that in August it will be the 3 year anniversary of Tim's brain tumor surgery. It was such a long road for him and clearly the toughest thing I've been through with someone medically since my father passed away (which is coming up on 10 years ago on July 27th). Tim was an amazing person through it all, at times being more worried about me and his family and what it was doing to all of us, than he was worried for himself. I thought what he went through was such a big deal that clearly we'll be done with big medical issues for a long time after that one.
However (and I'll keep specific names out of it for their privacy), since Tim's surgery, one of my very dear girlfriends found herself in a scare that ended up being Ovarian Cancer, which she luckily caught early. She was the first person I was close with that had Cancer, and oh by the way, she's younger than I am. This just shouldn't happen. And within the last year, 2 immensely important people to me that I consider not only my family, but among the best people I've ever known, were also diagnosed with different types of Cancer.
The range of emotions that everyone involved goes through with all these four medical issues is more than I can even do justice to in writing. But through it all, all four of these people have had tremendous support from loving families and friends... and that's what it's really all about. I would be there for anything any of them ever needed and the feelings that I have for ALL of them are so strong, that nothing else matters. That is how we put things into perspective and those are the types of people that deserve to have NOT gone through any of their medical troubles. So for me, putting things into perspective isn't focusing on "there is always someone worse off than me" but rather focusing on "What can I do to make it easier for them"... even if that means just being there to listen if they want to talk about it, or just make them laugh about anything so they have something else to think about even if just for a short time.
To all 4 of you (you know who you are)... I love you more than you'll ever know. And if you ever need anything, I'm right there for you... always.
Having told my story, I've been spending some time tonight thinking about how the last month has been kind of strange with compensating for the injury and the pain itself, but in doing that thinking, I realized that the reason I don't talk much about any injuries of my own, is that as soon as I start thinking about it, I can always find someone else to turn my attention too, and that's what happened tonight as well.
Tonight, I was reminded (maybe brought on by a FB post of Tim's a couple days ago), that in August it will be the 3 year anniversary of Tim's brain tumor surgery. It was such a long road for him and clearly the toughest thing I've been through with someone medically since my father passed away (which is coming up on 10 years ago on July 27th). Tim was an amazing person through it all, at times being more worried about me and his family and what it was doing to all of us, than he was worried for himself. I thought what he went through was such a big deal that clearly we'll be done with big medical issues for a long time after that one.
However (and I'll keep specific names out of it for their privacy), since Tim's surgery, one of my very dear girlfriends found herself in a scare that ended up being Ovarian Cancer, which she luckily caught early. She was the first person I was close with that had Cancer, and oh by the way, she's younger than I am. This just shouldn't happen. And within the last year, 2 immensely important people to me that I consider not only my family, but among the best people I've ever known, were also diagnosed with different types of Cancer.
The range of emotions that everyone involved goes through with all these four medical issues is more than I can even do justice to in writing. But through it all, all four of these people have had tremendous support from loving families and friends... and that's what it's really all about. I would be there for anything any of them ever needed and the feelings that I have for ALL of them are so strong, that nothing else matters. That is how we put things into perspective and those are the types of people that deserve to have NOT gone through any of their medical troubles. So for me, putting things into perspective isn't focusing on "there is always someone worse off than me" but rather focusing on "What can I do to make it easier for them"... even if that means just being there to listen if they want to talk about it, or just make them laugh about anything so they have something else to think about even if just for a short time.
To all 4 of you (you know who you are)... I love you more than you'll ever know. And if you ever need anything, I'm right there for you... always.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It Must Be Love
For those that know me already, you know that I feel I have a terrific man in my life. Very caring, respectful, loving, intelligent, etc. Although we've been together for a little over 7 years now, I never realized just how much this man loved me until the last few months. You must understand, he is many things, but a sports enthusiast, he is not. He's knows them, has played them, but he is simply not a watcher of sports. Trust me, I REALLY love that during football season as I'm not abandoned every Sunday all day. In fact, he'd gladly do anything else I'd rather do on a Sunday during the winter months than sit in front of a football game... with the exception of the Superbowl... and only then, it's because there is usually a party that involves large amounts of food and beer.
However, for the last few months, he's endured my completely LOVE of the NBA, and more importantly, my very favorite CELTICS!!! They have been my team for as long as I can remember. I watched nearly every game when I still lived at home with my parents, with my Dad, who was also a huge fan. We went thru the whole Larry Bird years (the good as well as the not so good when he was at the end of his career and injured more often than not). I taught a couple of my sisters sons every rule of the game when they were little and watched with me and their grandpa. Her youngest spent one entire game asking me who won with each basket he saw made in the game. I told him on several occasions that I would tell him who won when it was really over, but that did not deter him from asking. It was just my luck that the particular game in which this occurred went into triple over time. But he was maybe 5 years old at the time, so it was hard to be upset. It was more cool that he was even asking the questions... however long of a night it turned out to be :) But I digress... now back to Tim.
He always knew how much I loved basketball. I even get a bit crazy at the JV games my daughter cheers for. He knew how happy I was when the Celtics won the Championship in 2008, but he never had to watch a game with me. This year, no one expected the C's to make it as far as they did. They started off their season with a bang, but last half of it, there were a lot of injuries and a lot of losses. The coach said he'd be happy if they were 4th of 5th in their division, and that's exactly where they ended up. But, they made the playoffs. And Tim made (depending on how you look at it) either his first mistake, or his first sign of showing me the love. He told me I could come watch one of the games on his new 46" TV, and he stuck around to watch with me.
No one expected them to get past the first round (and I think after Tim witnessed me watching a game, he might have been hopeful they wouldn't either). Orlando Magic was supposed to be too tough... but they blew past them. Then the Cavaliers were going to be completely unattainable... again, they took the series from them as well. Tim now knows first hand that when I get nervous at the end of a close game, no matter how big the TV screen is, I am now standing in front of it almost nose-to-nose with the players. He's heard me yell at officials who make horrendous calls, he's heard me call players pet names very loudly as if I'm the actual announcer at the stadium (which by the way would be very cool), and he's seen me decked out in more Celtics huge clothing than any guy should have to endure their lady wearing. And through it all, I think I wore off on him a bit.
My Celtics won the Eastern Conference Championship and are once again, playing the Lakers for the NBA Title. Tim and I haven't been able to be together in the same room for some of the games, but he's now watching even without me. He's texting me during the games to say something was a bad call or that someone made a good play. He knows the players names and how well they are doing in the game. He's even yelling at officials via text to me. At one point the funniest exchange from him was a text that said...
"you're going to make me miss The Daily Show aren't you". I assured him it wasn't my fault he couldn't turn the channel on his TV, and told him I was surprised that he was still watching the game. His reply was "my baby's boys are fighting for survival". Too funny. I got him. I even told him if he wasn't careful I'd have to buy him some Celtic Green to wear. His reply "I like Green".
So, tonight is Game 6 of the Finals. My team is up 3 to 2. We are playing on the road in LA. If we win tonight, it's over and we are Champions for the 18th time. If not, there is a game 7 (also in LA) where it could be tough as both these teams always want the win and will fight hard for it. Of course I want the win really bad (and tonight would be the best time to get it). But even if my TEAM doesn't win, I know that my TIM must really love me to have hung in there this long with me, and even seemed to enjoy parts of it. Thanks babe... I love you too!!!
However, for the last few months, he's endured my completely LOVE of the NBA, and more importantly, my very favorite CELTICS!!! They have been my team for as long as I can remember. I watched nearly every game when I still lived at home with my parents, with my Dad, who was also a huge fan. We went thru the whole Larry Bird years (the good as well as the not so good when he was at the end of his career and injured more often than not). I taught a couple of my sisters sons every rule of the game when they were little and watched with me and their grandpa. Her youngest spent one entire game asking me who won with each basket he saw made in the game. I told him on several occasions that I would tell him who won when it was really over, but that did not deter him from asking. It was just my luck that the particular game in which this occurred went into triple over time. But he was maybe 5 years old at the time, so it was hard to be upset. It was more cool that he was even asking the questions... however long of a night it turned out to be :) But I digress... now back to Tim.
He always knew how much I loved basketball. I even get a bit crazy at the JV games my daughter cheers for. He knew how happy I was when the Celtics won the Championship in 2008, but he never had to watch a game with me. This year, no one expected the C's to make it as far as they did. They started off their season with a bang, but last half of it, there were a lot of injuries and a lot of losses. The coach said he'd be happy if they were 4th of 5th in their division, and that's exactly where they ended up. But, they made the playoffs. And Tim made (depending on how you look at it) either his first mistake, or his first sign of showing me the love. He told me I could come watch one of the games on his new 46" TV, and he stuck around to watch with me.
No one expected them to get past the first round (and I think after Tim witnessed me watching a game, he might have been hopeful they wouldn't either). Orlando Magic was supposed to be too tough... but they blew past them. Then the Cavaliers were going to be completely unattainable... again, they took the series from them as well. Tim now knows first hand that when I get nervous at the end of a close game, no matter how big the TV screen is, I am now standing in front of it almost nose-to-nose with the players. He's heard me yell at officials who make horrendous calls, he's heard me call players pet names very loudly as if I'm the actual announcer at the stadium (which by the way would be very cool), and he's seen me decked out in more Celtics huge clothing than any guy should have to endure their lady wearing. And through it all, I think I wore off on him a bit.
My Celtics won the Eastern Conference Championship and are once again, playing the Lakers for the NBA Title. Tim and I haven't been able to be together in the same room for some of the games, but he's now watching even without me. He's texting me during the games to say something was a bad call or that someone made a good play. He knows the players names and how well they are doing in the game. He's even yelling at officials via text to me. At one point the funniest exchange from him was a text that said...
"you're going to make me miss The Daily Show aren't you". I assured him it wasn't my fault he couldn't turn the channel on his TV, and told him I was surprised that he was still watching the game. His reply was "my baby's boys are fighting for survival". Too funny. I got him. I even told him if he wasn't careful I'd have to buy him some Celtic Green to wear. His reply "I like Green".
So, tonight is Game 6 of the Finals. My team is up 3 to 2. We are playing on the road in LA. If we win tonight, it's over and we are Champions for the 18th time. If not, there is a game 7 (also in LA) where it could be tough as both these teams always want the win and will fight hard for it. Of course I want the win really bad (and tonight would be the best time to get it). But even if my TEAM doesn't win, I know that my TIM must really love me to have hung in there this long with me, and even seemed to enjoy parts of it. Thanks babe... I love you too!!!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Respect Given Where Due
I have always been a firm believer that respect must be earned, not simply guaranteed to anyone. Having said that, I also believe that people sometimes use the wrong term when they are telling people to "be respectful" towards someone. I think in that context, it should be amended to "be courteous".
My issue has always been that I've known FAR too many "adults" that believe kids should always respect them simply because they are adults. These same people, however, don't believe that they need to show that same respect towards kids... that somehow the kids don't deserve the same treatment. I find that to be sad. It's the "kids should be seen not heard" mentality that I never could understand. I wonder if some of that thinking comes from the fact that adults feel kids haven't been around long enough, or gone through enough of life's trials to have earned their respect. But time is not the only factor in whether or not someone should be respected. It's what they do with their time that matters.
I spent two night this week being a judge for Thomas High School Senior Project Presentations. This is the 3rd year I've participated and each night when I come home, it reminds me of why I think kids should be shown their due respect. There are some very intelligent kids out there, with very good ideas and passions around a wide variety of interests. Those kids, when done pursuing their passions, will become amazing contributing members of our society, and that fact should not be overlooked. In reality, most I've seen are already contributing to our local community in ways that many adults have no idea is happening.
Here is a sampling of topics from the presentations I've been able to see in the last two nights...
Volunteering at Hope House, which is a local organization helping those in need with food/clothing/basic needs. The presenter wants to continue with this volunteering even now that the project is over as she was so touched by the people that came in and never realized there was such a need for this kind of help in her own community.
Internship at a company that makes virtual reality gaming, and the presenter is pursuing a career in gaming design.
Project as a Chem Lab Tech for the school pursuing an Chemical Science career.
Internship at a local TV station with passion for the production side of radio/tv.
Internship with an Update NY Congressman, definite pursuit in politics, but the experience made her re-evaluate at what level of politics she wants to pursue.
Internship with an Assistant District Attorney, originally pursuing a career as a DA, but now is adding to her future goals. Based on having met a number of Judges she now hopes to be a Judge after her DA career.
Studying how to write successfully and based on this project, wrote a 45 page fictional story that was accepted as consideration for a final piece in a contest at University of Texas at Austin. If one of the top 10 selected during the final round, would be published. That's huge for someone that just started down this path.
And these were just some of the presentations. All these kids worked all year on their projects, which required a specific amount of out of school hours with their mentors, written proposals and presentations, as well as this final presentation in front of community members for grading. This work was done while juggling their class work, sports, jobs, as well as preparing for their college applications, etc.
While I reflect on my nights of judging their live presentations, I realize that these kids are our future, and I for one, will certainly remember to give them the respect they deserve for all their hard work.
My issue has always been that I've known FAR too many "adults" that believe kids should always respect them simply because they are adults. These same people, however, don't believe that they need to show that same respect towards kids... that somehow the kids don't deserve the same treatment. I find that to be sad. It's the "kids should be seen not heard" mentality that I never could understand. I wonder if some of that thinking comes from the fact that adults feel kids haven't been around long enough, or gone through enough of life's trials to have earned their respect. But time is not the only factor in whether or not someone should be respected. It's what they do with their time that matters.
I spent two night this week being a judge for Thomas High School Senior Project Presentations. This is the 3rd year I've participated and each night when I come home, it reminds me of why I think kids should be shown their due respect. There are some very intelligent kids out there, with very good ideas and passions around a wide variety of interests. Those kids, when done pursuing their passions, will become amazing contributing members of our society, and that fact should not be overlooked. In reality, most I've seen are already contributing to our local community in ways that many adults have no idea is happening.
Here is a sampling of topics from the presentations I've been able to see in the last two nights...
Volunteering at Hope House, which is a local organization helping those in need with food/clothing/basic needs. The presenter wants to continue with this volunteering even now that the project is over as she was so touched by the people that came in and never realized there was such a need for this kind of help in her own community.
Internship at a company that makes virtual reality gaming, and the presenter is pursuing a career in gaming design.
Project as a Chem Lab Tech for the school pursuing an Chemical Science career.
Internship at a local TV station with passion for the production side of radio/tv.
Internship with an Update NY Congressman, definite pursuit in politics, but the experience made her re-evaluate at what level of politics she wants to pursue.
Internship with an Assistant District Attorney, originally pursuing a career as a DA, but now is adding to her future goals. Based on having met a number of Judges she now hopes to be a Judge after her DA career.
Studying how to write successfully and based on this project, wrote a 45 page fictional story that was accepted as consideration for a final piece in a contest at University of Texas at Austin. If one of the top 10 selected during the final round, would be published. That's huge for someone that just started down this path.
And these were just some of the presentations. All these kids worked all year on their projects, which required a specific amount of out of school hours with their mentors, written proposals and presentations, as well as this final presentation in front of community members for grading. This work was done while juggling their class work, sports, jobs, as well as preparing for their college applications, etc.
While I reflect on my nights of judging their live presentations, I realize that these kids are our future, and I for one, will certainly remember to give them the respect they deserve for all their hard work.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me
The above saying is one that I've heard so many times in my life and have always believed was absolutely true. And upon hearing it again recently, it brought me to my question of the day which follows later in the blog. If you can fool or manipulate me one time, you've done something not many can do because I'm pretty good at reading people and their motives for what they do. However, I can't say it makes you a very good person for even trying to manipulate people and/or situations in the first place. Then, if you can do it to me again, I'm an idiot. And that, I'm not. I catch on REAL fast to people. In my past life, there were those that hated the notion that I was that in tune to my feelings about people. Mostly the people that hated that about me was because they found out in the end that I was right. It just took them a little longer to get to that end game than it did me.
When I say I could sense things pretty quickly, that didn't make me change my behavior towards the person in general. I would always be polite and helpful if I could or the opportunity arose. Where the issue came, was that I couldn't respect them for their deceitful manipulative ways, and I couldn't trust them from then on. Once trust is gone for me, it's gone and almost impossible to regain. If I love a person, I'll give them the best shot, but if they are not someone in my life, but have done something to manipulate me or a situation that I'm involved with, all bets are off. The issue then is that EVERYTHING they do in the future is suspect to me and comes with me believing they are trying to manipulate something again. I will then ALWAYS be on the watch for it so that people I do care about, don't get hurt. The "mama bear" comes out in me for all people I care about.
So, the question is where do you go when you are in a position of highly suspecting that manipulation is happening, but not in a position of speaking openly about it? How do you handle situations that are so fragile that speaking up will only be turned around on you due to the other parties manipulation tactics? It's such a curious dilemma. I try to bring my kids up to be trustful of people, but also hope that they are not so trustful that they don't realize things are happening around them. I've asked them what they would do if they overheard a conversation about someone that the just didn't believe at all... or was outright told something about someone they didn't believe. Would they question the person doing the talking? would they confront the person that was being talked about? Far too often others just overhear and ignore, or worse yet pass the story on... or maybe even worse yet believe it and have it change their minds about someone without all the real facts.
I haven't always been a big believer of confrontation, but based on my life and things that have happened in it, I'm now a big believer of confronting people. If that can help clear up an misunderstanding, then great. I think most people would say "just get rid of those doing it". But what if you can't? What if you can't for fear the retribution will just bring more manipulation? Maybe that's when you have to start believing in Karma. Either way, why can't people just be honest and upfront about their intentions. Let people know exactly what it is they are trying to get out of their manipulations and put it out on the table. It takes great character for people to be honest. I wish more people had that kind of great character.
When I say I could sense things pretty quickly, that didn't make me change my behavior towards the person in general. I would always be polite and helpful if I could or the opportunity arose. Where the issue came, was that I couldn't respect them for their deceitful manipulative ways, and I couldn't trust them from then on. Once trust is gone for me, it's gone and almost impossible to regain. If I love a person, I'll give them the best shot, but if they are not someone in my life, but have done something to manipulate me or a situation that I'm involved with, all bets are off. The issue then is that EVERYTHING they do in the future is suspect to me and comes with me believing they are trying to manipulate something again. I will then ALWAYS be on the watch for it so that people I do care about, don't get hurt. The "mama bear" comes out in me for all people I care about.
So, the question is where do you go when you are in a position of highly suspecting that manipulation is happening, but not in a position of speaking openly about it? How do you handle situations that are so fragile that speaking up will only be turned around on you due to the other parties manipulation tactics? It's such a curious dilemma. I try to bring my kids up to be trustful of people, but also hope that they are not so trustful that they don't realize things are happening around them. I've asked them what they would do if they overheard a conversation about someone that the just didn't believe at all... or was outright told something about someone they didn't believe. Would they question the person doing the talking? would they confront the person that was being talked about? Far too often others just overhear and ignore, or worse yet pass the story on... or maybe even worse yet believe it and have it change their minds about someone without all the real facts.
I haven't always been a big believer of confrontation, but based on my life and things that have happened in it, I'm now a big believer of confronting people. If that can help clear up an misunderstanding, then great. I think most people would say "just get rid of those doing it". But what if you can't? What if you can't for fear the retribution will just bring more manipulation? Maybe that's when you have to start believing in Karma. Either way, why can't people just be honest and upfront about their intentions. Let people know exactly what it is they are trying to get out of their manipulations and put it out on the table. It takes great character for people to be honest. I wish more people had that kind of great character.
Church generalizations and headaches
Wow, has it really been this long since I've blogged anything. Trust me, it's not for lack of interesting events in my life, rather maybe my lack of blogs are in spite of all that's been going on for me. Best not to discuss some of it. But today, I think this is going to be one of my typical "I just don't get it" pieces.
I attended church today and the normal pastor was away. But not to fear, there was a guest speaker that was very entertaining... more about that later. First, there was a very brief mention of the fact that all the churches all over the country were praying together for God's Kingdom and for leadership in this week of National Prayer Day... which is on Thursday for those that don't know already. National Prayer Day in itself was great to hear mentioned as so much has been made lately of the fact that President Obama was trying to abolish National Prayer Day, which is completely false. But I digress.
My issue was not at all that all churches were praying together as I think that's great. The more the merrier. My concern today was with a specific statement that was made by the pastor (again not the normal one) that "our freedoms are slowing slipping away from us and that we need to all pray that our leaders of the country WILL FIND God and come to him for help". My concern isn't that our leaders would know God and have a relationship with him, but that this pastor assumed that they don't already KNOW or have a relationship with Him. The pastor doesn't know if that's the case, and it's generalizations like that, about many topics, that tick me off so much. Forget the fact that preaching about our freedoms being taken away seems like a move out of the fear play book, but I don't like it when people so simply lump people into categories that they don't even know are remotely accurate. I've been lumped with people that "aren't doing their belief correctly" because I don't like the hypocricy of many supposed Christians I've met and have to deal with in my life, when oddly I think the fact that the notion that I hate the hypocricy and intolerance of so many, means I actually do get and live by what Jesus teachings were all about. Anyway, it's just very disappointing for me to hear these kinds of things, and some times, I just need to rant about it.
On the plus side, once I was annoyed, the guest speaker came up. He was a very FUNNY man... and by funny I mean humorous. The kind of speaker that keeps you engaged and caring what he will say next. However, it was all in how he said it that hurt a little. When I say hurt, it wasn't emotionally, it was physically. He had that TV Evangelist voice, but a bit louder and he spoke so quickly it hurt my head to try to keep up with what he was saying. As a little background on me specifically, I'm a bit OCD as many people know. My brain really has trouble staying engaged in only one thing so typically in church, I need to doodle while the sermon is going on. Most people who see that probably think I'm board and don't care what's being said. It's actually quite the opposite. I doodle because it helps me pay attention to what is being said so much easier because it's not the only thing I'm doing... my mind won't wander if I'm engaged in something else at the same time. But today, the guest speaker talked so fast with so much being said, that I couldn't even doodle as I couldn't concentrate on his first sentence before he was into the 3rd on the topic. And it was amusing me that I couldn't keep up. Even my girls were kind of giggling just listening to him ... but it certainly kept them engaged too. Another particular funny part of it that struck me is that my ex-husband used to always say he couldn't fight with me because he couldn't keep up. I could always think of what I needed to say in about 1/2 of a second and he said he couldn't think of things until the next day to reply to them. That's how I was feeling in church today. So, all in all, I was very entertained. I think the message he was giving was good, but I think I missed every 3rd sentence of it. I'd love to get my hands on a tape of the sermon and see if I could play it in slow motion :)
I attended church today and the normal pastor was away. But not to fear, there was a guest speaker that was very entertaining... more about that later. First, there was a very brief mention of the fact that all the churches all over the country were praying together for God's Kingdom and for leadership in this week of National Prayer Day... which is on Thursday for those that don't know already. National Prayer Day in itself was great to hear mentioned as so much has been made lately of the fact that President Obama was trying to abolish National Prayer Day, which is completely false. But I digress.
My issue was not at all that all churches were praying together as I think that's great. The more the merrier. My concern today was with a specific statement that was made by the pastor (again not the normal one) that "our freedoms are slowing slipping away from us and that we need to all pray that our leaders of the country WILL FIND God and come to him for help". My concern isn't that our leaders would know God and have a relationship with him, but that this pastor assumed that they don't already KNOW or have a relationship with Him. The pastor doesn't know if that's the case, and it's generalizations like that, about many topics, that tick me off so much. Forget the fact that preaching about our freedoms being taken away seems like a move out of the fear play book, but I don't like it when people so simply lump people into categories that they don't even know are remotely accurate. I've been lumped with people that "aren't doing their belief correctly" because I don't like the hypocricy of many supposed Christians I've met and have to deal with in my life, when oddly I think the fact that the notion that I hate the hypocricy and intolerance of so many, means I actually do get and live by what Jesus teachings were all about. Anyway, it's just very disappointing for me to hear these kinds of things, and some times, I just need to rant about it.
On the plus side, once I was annoyed, the guest speaker came up. He was a very FUNNY man... and by funny I mean humorous. The kind of speaker that keeps you engaged and caring what he will say next. However, it was all in how he said it that hurt a little. When I say hurt, it wasn't emotionally, it was physically. He had that TV Evangelist voice, but a bit louder and he spoke so quickly it hurt my head to try to keep up with what he was saying. As a little background on me specifically, I'm a bit OCD as many people know. My brain really has trouble staying engaged in only one thing so typically in church, I need to doodle while the sermon is going on. Most people who see that probably think I'm board and don't care what's being said. It's actually quite the opposite. I doodle because it helps me pay attention to what is being said so much easier because it's not the only thing I'm doing... my mind won't wander if I'm engaged in something else at the same time. But today, the guest speaker talked so fast with so much being said, that I couldn't even doodle as I couldn't concentrate on his first sentence before he was into the 3rd on the topic. And it was amusing me that I couldn't keep up. Even my girls were kind of giggling just listening to him ... but it certainly kept them engaged too. Another particular funny part of it that struck me is that my ex-husband used to always say he couldn't fight with me because he couldn't keep up. I could always think of what I needed to say in about 1/2 of a second and he said he couldn't think of things until the next day to reply to them. That's how I was feeling in church today. So, all in all, I was very entertained. I think the message he was giving was good, but I think I missed every 3rd sentence of it. I'd love to get my hands on a tape of the sermon and see if I could play it in slow motion :)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Life is good...
I don't think too many people actually have saved the URL to my blog since it posts over to Facebook, and I'm pretty sure that's where people are reading. But just in case, please note that the URL has changed. If you have by chance saved it, or have an RSS feed to it, please be sure to update it. It is now found at http://kimborlea.blogspot.com/
So, I spent the day Friday at the mall with various groups of people. I drove Jennifer and 3 of her friends so they could start "looking" for prom dresses. Lauren had stayed over her friend Nicole's house and Nicole's mom (Lori) drove them to the mall to meet up with us and shop. Lori and I... we just got to hang out together and eat lunch, wait for them to need us (yeah right...) and wait for them to need rides home.
Anyway, I arrived at the mall with my group first and when Lauren showed up with Lori/Nicole, she came right up, gave me a hug and said "you look pretty". Yes... that is my 13 year old I'm talking about. And... first time out shopping, Jennifer did find an absolutely beautiful prom dress, which I saved a significant amount of money on too. Life is good...
So, I spent the day Friday at the mall with various groups of people. I drove Jennifer and 3 of her friends so they could start "looking" for prom dresses. Lauren had stayed over her friend Nicole's house and Nicole's mom (Lori) drove them to the mall to meet up with us and shop. Lori and I... we just got to hang out together and eat lunch, wait for them to need us (yeah right...) and wait for them to need rides home.
Anyway, I arrived at the mall with my group first and when Lauren showed up with Lori/Nicole, she came right up, gave me a hug and said "you look pretty". Yes... that is my 13 year old I'm talking about. And... first time out shopping, Jennifer did find an absolutely beautiful prom dress, which I saved a significant amount of money on too. Life is good...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
How to catch a fly
I was inspired recently by one of my FB friends. In her blog (Thank you Patty), she had decided to write about "little life lessons". Her first one was about re-filling the toilet paper roll, which I found very funny. But it made me think of this little lesson that I've tried to teach my girls since they were little. However, thinking of it made me realize, it isn't just kids that could benefit from it. It could carry much further than that. There are always people at any age, than can learn from a little life lesson. x
I remember growing up hearing the saying "you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar". Of course, when I was younger, my only thought around that was why would I want to catch flies anyway. However, it's a phrase now that is easy to figure out. I've mentioned it to my girls in their earlier years, however without the fly part... just in real words that this generation can understand. I've always let them know that their chances of getting me to do what they want or need is always better if they asked nicely. They certainly get that now... maybe too much sometimes. If the real sugar sweet "mommy" voice comes out, my first instinct is "what do you want". But at least at their young ages, they do get the concept.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I feel it dove tails a bit to a pet peeve of mine with society today... specifically in schools where we give ribbons and awards for participation so that no one feels left out. Or taking away Valedictorians from schools so those that don't get the honor, don't feel bad. Life is about feeling good and bad sometimes. It's also about how you handle both of those things. You need to learn to win graciously, and loose with dignity (sportsmanship at its finest). But even better than the winning and loosing end points, is what happens in between. While your working towards that goal or win, you need to feel good about what you are trying to accomplish. You need to hear the positive and negative about how you are doing working towards that goal. If all you hear is the negative, what inspires you to work harder? Conversely, if all you hear is the positive, how do you handle the loss if you can't understand why you lost? So there should be a balance in what people are told to manage their expectations. Neither all positive or all negative are good for anyone... it either builds them up too much (example: we have to endure very bad auditions while watching American Idol and the people say their parents told them how great they were their whole life), or we tear them down so much that we are enduring far too many depressed people because they don't believe they have much self-worth. Where is the middle ground for our kids to learn from today? Who's responsibility is it to teach them that middle ground? I believe it doesn't just lay within the parents boundary... it's everyone that has a role in being a leader... in kids, at the work place, everywhere. The point isn't to baby our kids, or co-workers as they need to learn to get along in the real world. The point also isn't to tear them down. The point is to give them real feedback... constructive feedback so that they have real expectations in life. If they have that given to them, they'll pay it forward and give it to future generations.
Or maybe I should just really start using the old fashioned phrase "you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar" to everyone I come in contact with, and hope it catches on somehow. If we're told the positive along with the negative... it makes us work that much harder on the bigger picture. We must ALL learn that simple lesson. It does work.
I remember growing up hearing the saying "you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar". Of course, when I was younger, my only thought around that was why would I want to catch flies anyway. However, it's a phrase now that is easy to figure out. I've mentioned it to my girls in their earlier years, however without the fly part... just in real words that this generation can understand. I've always let them know that their chances of getting me to do what they want or need is always better if they asked nicely. They certainly get that now... maybe too much sometimes. If the real sugar sweet "mommy" voice comes out, my first instinct is "what do you want". But at least at their young ages, they do get the concept.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I feel it dove tails a bit to a pet peeve of mine with society today... specifically in schools where we give ribbons and awards for participation so that no one feels left out. Or taking away Valedictorians from schools so those that don't get the honor, don't feel bad. Life is about feeling good and bad sometimes. It's also about how you handle both of those things. You need to learn to win graciously, and loose with dignity (sportsmanship at its finest). But even better than the winning and loosing end points, is what happens in between. While your working towards that goal or win, you need to feel good about what you are trying to accomplish. You need to hear the positive and negative about how you are doing working towards that goal. If all you hear is the negative, what inspires you to work harder? Conversely, if all you hear is the positive, how do you handle the loss if you can't understand why you lost? So there should be a balance in what people are told to manage their expectations. Neither all positive or all negative are good for anyone... it either builds them up too much (example: we have to endure very bad auditions while watching American Idol and the people say their parents told them how great they were their whole life), or we tear them down so much that we are enduring far too many depressed people because they don't believe they have much self-worth. Where is the middle ground for our kids to learn from today? Who's responsibility is it to teach them that middle ground? I believe it doesn't just lay within the parents boundary... it's everyone that has a role in being a leader... in kids, at the work place, everywhere. The point isn't to baby our kids, or co-workers as they need to learn to get along in the real world. The point also isn't to tear them down. The point is to give them real feedback... constructive feedback so that they have real expectations in life. If they have that given to them, they'll pay it forward and give it to future generations.
Or maybe I should just really start using the old fashioned phrase "you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar" to everyone I come in contact with, and hope it catches on somehow. If we're told the positive along with the negative... it makes us work that much harder on the bigger picture. We must ALL learn that simple lesson. It does work.
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